Even If It Breaks Your Heart
by VegasGirl09
Summary: As Julie Finlay searches for answers regarding her childhood and past, she will discover secrets and how a decision made when she was an infant is the reason she became a target of The Gig Harbor Killer.
1. Chapter 1

_March 20_ _th_ _, 1968_

The phones incessant ringing coming from the kitchen woke Patrick out of a sound sleep. He turned over in bed, switching on the lamp to stare at the boxy alarm clock on the night stand, it was two in the morning. Another glance to his left showed his wife Karen, still asleep so he slipped out of bed and trudged downstairs to answer the noisy beast. When he answered with a groggy "Hello?" the voice of one of the night nurses at the university hospital answered back with one simple statement "Your sisters here."

That was all Patrick needed to get him moving. He got dressed downstairs, snatching the station wagon keys from the ceramic dish on the credenza before slipping out into the dead of night. He was the only car on the street as he made the short ten-minute drive to The University of Pennsylvania Hospital which also currently doubled as his place of employment where he was continuing the long path to becoming a doctor. He had two years left in his residency, but he had already established good connections with the staff here. They respected him, treated him like an equal instead of putting him through the awful hazing rituals new med students often endured. Patrick had a way to connect with patients and nurses making everyone feel as if he had been on staff here for years. He pulled into his usual parking space near the ER doors and quietly entered the building. He was remarkably calm for someone so young, twenty-five years on this earth and the majority of them spent dealing with an alcoholic father had aged him severely.

When Constance was born, he was nine years old and from day one, protected her from the violence their father inflicted daily. That violence had reached her only once, and it was the day nine months or so ago when she declared she was going to have a baby, she was only sixteen. His parents sent her away to a special girls' school where she could have the baby and no one in town here would know of their shame. But Constance came back two months ago to live with friends having left the school in frustration over being forced to hide away. Patrick promised his sister he would be there for her when she had the baby and now that moment had come. He checked in with the head nurse at the desk up in Obstetrics who kindly showed him the way to Constance's room. Despite being just a medical student, the staff adored him so much, they offered him a private room for her when they heard of his plight a few months back. He did not have the heart to tell Karen of the issue, knowing she so desperately wanted children but they had struggled to conceive for the last three years of their marriage, something the doctors said was not either of their faults, it just happens sometimes. Now with Constance so close to becoming a mom out of wedlock, he began to fantasize about buying baby clothes, and toys, setting up a crib, and the look on Karen's face if they had a tiny bundle of joy to love. His daydreams went out the window when he entered the private hospital room and saw his sister lying in bed looking somewhat relaxed but tensing up in obvious pain.

"About time," his sister snapped at him.

"We were asleep," Patrick reminded her of the late hour.

" _We_?" Constance emphasized, " _she's_ not with you is she?" I told you I don't need her snide remarks while I'm doing this."

She looked down at her body in disgust, referring to Karen and all the over reacting her sister in law would spout if given the chance to witness this birth.

"She's at home," Patrick assured her, moving to be closer to the bed "how far are the contractions?"

Constance shrugged and said, "Every few minutes I guess, that stupid nurse said she would come back but she won't, they all hate me here, they only check on me because they love you."

She eyed her brother with a mixture of annoyance but a flicker of pride because she knew what he had gone through to get this far in his life. After that, she let out a cry of pain and Patrick knew she had been hiding the pain from him to maintain her "tough" attitude she had carried for so long. He yelled for the nurse and doctor on call who quickly descended on the room and ushered him out, so they could work with Constance. He paced outside the room, cringing every time he heard her cry out in pain, which was not often, to his surprise. It took less than an hour before the lead nurse was calling for him.

"She did great," the nurse informed him "one of the fastest labors we've seen here."

"Boy or girl?" he asked now.

"Sweet little girl," the nurse revealed as she led him back into the room.

Constance was sitting up in bed looking exhausted but cradling the infant somewhat loosely in her arms.

"Never again," she scoffed of the birthing process.

Patrick didn't know how to respond to that, he just stared at the baby wrapped up in blankets, completely at ease with the world around her. He began to fantasize again about the room set aside in their home for a child if and when it came along. Yet here there was a child right in front of him, his niece for that matter, someone he could still bond with and so could Karen.

"You got all the stuff ready?" Constance asked him now.

"What?" he stammered, confused by her statement.

"You know, the crib, some toys, food and stuff," Constance said.

"But-"Patrick stammered, realizing what was happening "Karen doesn't know, she's not ready, I've got school."

"You have to take her," Constance begged now "mom and dad will make me give her up to some awful orphanage or some weird family they know, come on, she has to go to a good home and I can't keep her at school."

She lifted the baby up to him which he clumsily held, rocking gently, looking at her with a mixture of confusion and heartbreak. Yes, Karen longed for children, but they were both working so hard towards their goals. Karen had the rest of the school year as a teacher to finish out, her class was full and busy and a baby would prevent her from working the job she loved. But when would they have another chance like this?

Rain had begun to fall during the three hours Patrick spent in the hospital. It tapped quietly on the windows of the room, but he was still worried it would wake the sleeping infant he had been holding since Constance had given her to him then promptly fallen asleep. He sat in the wooden rocking chair in the corner with only the tiny lamp light on so as not to disturb the little girl. As he sat rocking with her, he got lost in thoughts, each one more confusing than the last. What would Karen say if he just showed up tonight with their niece? What if he convinced Constance to come and live with them and raise the baby together like some odd threesome couple? People would certainly spread gossip at that arrangement. Only once did it occur to him to tell the truth; that his sister was only sixteen with a child and needed some help caring for the baby. It was none of the neighbor's business. Bravery was not Patrick's strong suit however, and a new, more complicated plan formulated in his mind. One that allowed him and Karen to have the best of their careers, this child and one where Constance would not be punished for her alleged sin, but rather, revered in her choice.

"It's raining, Patrick," Constance scolded her brother as they drove in the early morning hours down side streets and back alleys leading away from the hospital.

Patrick used the windshield wipers to clear the glass as a silent acknowledgement of the rain but said nothing as he drove, his eyes bloodshot and aching with exhaustion.

Constance had slept for just a short hour before the nurses woke her up to take care of paper work and to get her up and walking. Then, at her insistence, the nurses brought her release forms. Since the baby was healthy and had already been monitored, they could not stop the threesome from leaving. Besides, in order to make the plan work, they had to act before sunrise.

"Have you thought of a name?" the nurse asked as Patrick helped Constance put on her sweater.

"Not yet," she lied, anything to get moving quicker.

"She'll need one before we can release you," the nurse said, waving the pen and paperwork in front of them.

Constance snatched the forms, scribbled something eligible on the paper, signed it, dated it and handed it back to the nurse in haste.

"Julie Elisabeth, that's pretty," the nurse remarked "fathers last name?"

"Uh, he's not in the picture right now," Constance lied "just put down mine, Finlay."

The nurse scribbled on the forms again, then let them be on their way. Patrick guided his sister and niece through the quiet hospital corridors and back out to the car where the rain had left a coating of dew and condensation on the windshield. Now, as they drove through the quiet streets of Philly, the rain had begun to let up despite Constance's insistence that it wasn't.

"We can't let her stay out in the rain," she pleaded as Patrick pulled the car to a stop in front of the stone building just a few blocks from the hospital. He stared up at the cross, hoping whatever God was up there would forgive them for this.

"What if no one is there?" Constance asked worriedly.

"Someone is always there," Patrick assured her "I've been doing checkups here for the nuns and the kids during my rotation, the drop off is around back, just tuck her in with the blankets and ring the bell, they don't ask questions and they don't wait for explanations, you can leave as soon as the light over the door turns on, that's how you know someone's coming."

Constance stared at her brother with red eyes, hating herself in this moment. Her body still felt out of sorts from labor and her heart was filled with too many emotions. But her head was clear, she had to let go, for the sake of her family, her life and this child currently wrapped in blankets in her arms.

"I'll be right back then," she said but she didn't move from the passenger seat.

"I'll do it if you want," Patrick offered, holding his hands out for the baby which Constance handed him, her eyes filling with tears now as she turned away from them both to try and hide them.

Patrick carefully maneuvered the door to the station wagon open, stepping out into the mild spring air. The rain had stopped completely but the scent of if lingered in the air as he proceeded to walk up the pathway to the convent attached to the church he had frequented for months. When he reached the small porch with the basket and sign, he lowered Julie into the basket. She let out a tiny cry as if she knew what was happening. Patrick stared at the child, those nursery fantasies coming back to him, with Karen by his side, carrying a teddy bear and other baby toys, dancing around the room to music with the little girl in their arms. A gust of wind shook those daydreams right out of his head as he straightened up, sighed and rang the bell attached to the wall of the convent, waiting until the tiny yellow light blinked on before backing away into the darkness.

This will be my interpretation of the life and events of Julie Finlay that led her to Seattle then to Vegas as well as the reasoning behind how she became a target of The Gig Harbor Killer and the search for her biological mother and answers about her life and childhood. Multiple chapters to come.


	2. Chapter 2

_September 1968_

Constance turned seventeen in July, but there was no celebration. In fact, Patrick had not heard from his sister in months. He assumed she confessed of her choice regarding the baby to his parents which is why he had not heard from them in months either. Every day on his way to the hospital for work and school, he passed the church and attached convent with the orphanage. He could not stop the overwhelming pain that stabbed at him when he thought of his niece inside that building. Yet every day, he marched on, attended classes and lectures, worked with patients and classmates, his grade point average holding steady at 4.0, he was so close to being done, he could see the finish line. Until one day during his rotation when he was assigned the OBGYN floor for the week. Babies were everywhere. He could not escape their stares, their cries, each one reminding him of his niece. Worse still were the parents of the babies overjoyed at having children, introducing the new babies to their siblings if they already had some, or else, beaming in silence as first time parents. He thought of Karen and the way she looked at children when they attended church and other social functions. It was like a stab to his heart when she caught him staring at her staring at the kids and forced herself to look away.

On a rainy afternoon, much like the rainy night his niece had been born, he was driving home from the hospital like usual, turning down the same road, passing the church and convent once again. This time, older children who lived there and had been playing on the playground were being ushered inside to escape the rain. He couldn't help but watch them and think of his niece growing up in a world like that. What questions would she have and who would make up the lies and stories to soothe her. Would she believe them? Would any child for that matter? Patrick pushed harder on the accelerator, exceeding the speed limit in a residential area but his desire to get home was growing intense with each passing second.

It started to pour rain as he pulled into their driveway and raced up the walkway to the side door. Karen was home from school and already tending to dinner when he burst through the door soaking wet and struggling to catch his breath.

"What happened to you?" Karen asked rushing over to him.

"I'm fine," he breathed "well, not really, I need you to come with me, there's something we have to do."

"It's pouring out there," Karen reminded him "Can't it wait?"

"Not for another second longer," he insisted.

Just like that rainy night, it had stopped pouring by the time they reached the orphanage. Patrick drove and hastily explained to Karen the events of that night in March; Constance's indecision, his plan, his guilt, and now, his repentance for the sin. Karen stayed quiet the entire time he explained, she didn't even pierce him with that look of annoyance whenever he did something reckless like gamble or smoke occasionally. She just kept her eyes focused on the road, then the convent as they parked on the street in front of it.

"How will we know which one is her?" Karen asked as they walked up the neat stone pathway to the church. "there must be hundreds of babies in there."

"We'll know," Patrick insisted although he had his doubts. They had left no name or information on the child when they left her on the porch that night. A new twinge of guilt hit him as they approached the wooden doors to the church, what if someone already adopted her? 

Upon entering, they were greeted by nuns who listened to their tale of misery in trying to have a child but being unable to and wanting to adopt. The nuns knew Patrick well enough to allow him and Karen to fill out the forms immediately and begin the process while also making a call to their social worker who would oversee their case.

"We will file these with the state and you will need to complete a background check but that shouldn't take long considering you work for us and the hospital," the social worker explained after arriving from her office down the street within minutes "we don't get many people in to adopt these days."

She let that sentence hang as a younger nun approached them now and said, "I can take you to see the kids."

Patrick felt Karen grip his arm tightly as they entered the main play area for the kids who were pre-school to elementary age. They bypassed this room and entered a smaller, quieter space designated for the babies and toddlers. Cribs lined the length of the room while playmats and toys occupied the middle. Strollers, high chairs and walkers for babies with little hanging toys to occupy them.

"The ones we get as infants stay here until they are a year old based on when we get them," the nun explained "then we slowly introduce them to the other kids but it's hard, some don't stay long, others are here for years."

She stopped walking and let the pair walk ahead to see each child. Patrick felt awkward, picking out a child in this manner felt like picking out furniture for a house or something mundane. But this was life, for those who could not make do with what they had, like Constance. As they strolled amongst the cribs, Patrick spotted a child gripping the bars of the crib, staring at them through the tiny spaces. He felt his heart leap up in his chest at the sight of the child's head full or curly blonde hair. Constance had the same style when she was little, and Patrick knew this had to be Julie.

"What's her story?" he asked the nun now and Karen stopped walking to see the child as well.

"She came to us very late at night," the nun explained "it was morning really, who are we kidding, it was raining but luckily it stopped long enough for whomever it was to place her in our basket and ring the bell, poor thing was only a few hours old according to the doctor we consulted with the next morning, she didn't even make a sound for a good few days but now, she's as feisty as any six month old, wants out of that crib constantly, crawls into everything, she even pulled our rosary a few times."

"Is she exactly six months old?" Karen asked now.

"I'll have to check the record books, hold on," the nun said, disappearing into an office space behind them.

"It's got to be her," Patrick whispered so the nun would not hear while peering at the child "she's got Constance's hair and my father's eyes."

Karen didn't get a chance to respond before the nun had returned with the booklet of records.

"Here we go," she read off the list "baby girl found at four in the morning on March 20th, current age, six months and five days, healthy weight and seems to be developing at a normal rate, the doctor was just here a week ago, wish it was you Patrick but we know you're almost done with school now."

Patrick nodded silently at that news, his throat dry, searching for the right words. He looked at Karen and she looked back at him with the look she had reserved for children when she worked with them or encountered them. Constance's original plea to him that rainy night weighed heavily on his mind as Karen reached into the crib and slowly picked up the little girl. She cradled her as if she had been doing it for years. The way she swayed with her on the spot did something different to his heart.

"I think we've made a decision," the nun said grinning, happy to see a child find a loving family at last.

"When can we take her home?" Karen asked.

"As soon as the social worker finishes the paper work," the nun explained.

To Patrick and Karen's surprise, they did not have to wait long. They filled out their history, their current occupations and residency, signed more forms than they ever had in their lifetime and paid the adoption fee. The social worker would accompany them home to do an inspection, but they were safe now and so was Julie. The nuns never said what name they had given her, but they decided to keep the names Constance had so unwillingly provided that night. The final legal adoption form read "Julie Elisabeth Finlay" which no one would be the wiser to since she was already technically family. Patrick wondered why he had not just taken her that night, feeling guilty for his selfish ways as his niece looked up at him from where she was still being held in Karen's arms since she picked her up. As they made their way back to the exit of the church with the social worker trailing behind, the nun bid them farewell with a smile as she whispered "God Bless" to the new family.

It did not take long for Karen and Patrick to realize the little girl they brought home was indeed Constance's child. She got into everything. If Karen set her down for just a few moments, she would be squirming out of her high chair or trying to climb out of her crib at bedtime and first thing in the morning. Karen only had experience with school age children in her class, but she could tell Julie was advanced for only six months old. She grabbed at the car keys, earrings Karen wore, anything within reach of her tiny hands. She tried crawling almost immediately but could only scoot so far before giving up. Karen took a sabbatical from work to spend more time with the baby. Plus, it helped with their cover story of the adoption, making it look like Karen took a sabbatical to care for some random ailing relative she made up a story about. As much as they adored Julie, they respected Constance and the family's privacy too much to give away info about their new life and bundle of joy. They could not keep the secret forever and by the time Julie was two years old, Patrick was now a full-time doctor and Karen could go back to work, stunning her co-workers with baby photos, stories and absolute joy over Julie, whom they deemed their "miracle."

AN- These early chapters are somewhat hasty and less detailed since they are more about explaining background details for later as I'm putting pieces together and I hope the next ones will have more depth to them as the story unravels. Thanks for reading and reviewing.


	3. Chapter 3

Chapter 3

 _1970_

A flash of blonde hair was visible for a fraction of a second before two-year-old Julie Finlay darted around the corner, and careened onto the sofa, using all her strength to pull herself up onto the couch. Once settled there, she flipped through a small picture book, humming to herself and looking overall content. Karen smiled at her little girl while folding laundry on the chair next to the sofa. They had settled into this routine; Karen went to teach kindergarten, so she could work the morning class only then still have time to be home with Julie. Patrick's job paid most of the bills but having the extra money made them feel secure for themselves and their daughter. He was due home from work within thirty minutes and then they could all sit down to dinner, a concept made much more interesting with a two-year-old food artist who insisted on covering herself with the food rather than eat it.

When Karen heard a knock on the front door, she abandoned the laundry, and told Julie to stay in the sofa while she answered it. Ever curious, she immediately slid off the couch and raced after her mother, attaching herself to her leg as she answered the door. Karen could not help but gasp in surprise when she saw the visitor standing on her porch.

"Connie," Karen said, feeling her breath catch in her chest at the site of Patrick's sister on their landing.

Constance eyed her sister in law, hating that she had to come back to this ridiculous town after graduating from the horrid school at last. She would not have cared about the way Karen used the name "Connie" to address her, something she did the first time they met when Patrick brought her home to meet the family. What she could not ignore, was the small child clinging to Karen's leg. Constance stared at the child whose eyes looked hauntingly familiar, but she could not figure out where she had seen them before. The child had wild curls that bounced even when she barely moved.

"So, it finally happened," Constance said leaning on the door frame "I know those doctors were wrong, you had plenty of good years left to have kids."

"Uh, yeah, I did, I guess," Karen stammered, struggling to find the right words.

"Well don't be shy," Constance said, kneeling down towards the girl "what's your name kiddo?"

In the split second of time it took Julie to utter her full name, which Patrick and Karen had just begun teaching her how to say, Constance's eyes darted back up to Karen, confused for a moment, then glancing back at the little girl, staring at her eyes, then the resemblance dawned on her. Constance stood up slowly, bracing herself on the frame of the door.

"You didn't," she uttered, shaking, unable to string her words together.

Karen did not have a response for her. Instead, Constance took the silence as the answer she was dreading.

"Move," she snarled, pushing her way into the house, her eyes landing on all the toys, books, clothes and various other items suggesting the little girl was indeed living here and had been for years. Constance rounded on Karen who had now scooped Julie up in her arms out of concern.

"He told you what we did," Constance breathed of her brothers lies and deceit "he said you couldn't take her, I begged him to take her, and instead we stuck her in that damn church, I never should have listened to him, what did you do, go back the next day and snatch her up so you could look the hero? Saving the little angel from hell?"

"It was six months later," Karen confessed, knowing she could no longer hide the secret, "I swear I had no idea until Patrick told me and that same day he told me, we picked her up, it was so fast, those nuns just want the kids to have good homes."

"Yeah with liars," Constance snapped "where is he?" I'm going to kill him."

Karen was helpless as she stood, rocking back and forth with Julie, wanting to shield her from Constance's rage but when the side door opened, and Patrick walked through it, there was nothing she could do to stop her.

"You liar!" she snapped at her brother "you told me you couldn't take her, it would mess up your stupid job, but you went back for her, you took her from me and you lied!"

Patrick stood caught in the middle of this fight in progress, shocked by the arrival of his sister but sympathetic to her anger.

"I know what I said," he admitted sadly "but I felt so guilty for months, it was killing me so yes, we went back to the church and got her, she's safe here, we can raise her now."

"Well isn't that cozy?" Constance snapped sarcastically "what about me?" I got stuck at that school, mom and dad won't talk to me cause of what we did, do they know you've got her? Do they know you stole my baby from me?"

"It's not stealing when you didn't want her," Karen jumped in now, covering Julie's ears so she wouldn't hear the yelling "you were so quick to give her up, what difference does it make now?"

That statement silenced Constance and her rant. She had only come here to ask if she could stay here before starting her new job but now, with this revelation, she could not dare to be near her brother or the makeshift family he created out of her misfortune.

"Fine!" she yelled "keep the little brat, we could have done without this little charade but you two just have to make everything complicated."

She marched back towards the door, but Patrick stopped her.

"Maybe we can work something out," he tried "you can visit Julie whenever you want, and we can help you find a job and get on track with stuff."

Constance turned to her brother with tear filled eyes and said, "Don't worry about me, I find my own way, you just keep on playing house and I'll be having fun, not like I got any responsibilities anymore."

She eyed Julie with a look of hatred that Karen despised but could not shield the little girls' eyes in time.

"What exactly is you plan?" Patrick asked his sister now.

"I told you, I'll be fine," Constance said in a hoarse voice, trying to hold back tears "when have you ever known me not to be able to take care of myself?"

She uttered "See you around," as a final goodbye before slamming the front door shut behind her.

Patrick sighed, knowing his sister would eventually work her way back to them. She was flighty and indecisive. This was not the last they would see of her. Karen let out a tiny sob, heartbroken by what had just happened.

"She ambushed me," she explained "I opened the door and she was there, acting all cool and smug and then she saw Julie and thought we had her, you know, as our own but she asked for her name and you know we've been practicing so Julie told her and she figured it out, I tried to keep it a secret but it was so obvious after that."

Her tears turned into choking sobs as she hugged Julie tight.

"It's okay," Patrick soothed, hugging both Karen and Julie "it's my fault, I should have just taken her that night, none of this would be happening."

"We're not perfect," Karen said, "but we love her."

She pressed a kiss to Julie's forehead, smoothing her curls out of her face, looking into those innocent eyes that held an expression of content despite the tension and yelling.

"We love her," Patrick insisted "and that's all she needs to know."

 _1973_

"Julie, honey come help me tidy up this room before your father gets home," Karen called to her daughter, but she knew it was useless.

Five-year-old Julie was lost in her own world. She had made a fort out of blankets draped across her bed, tied off near her dresser and bookshelf. Tucked away inside her fort, she had brought books with her to read, pillows to lay on and blankets to snuggle. Her favorite stuffed teddy bear was resting right beside her as she read with various other stuffed animals scattered around her for security and comfort.

Karen loved her daughters need to be learning or reading something at any given time of day, but she really needed to vacuum this space and could not do that with Fort Finlay all over the floor. Urging Julie to help clean up before Patrick got home was an empty threat. There was nothing this child could say or do that would merit any punishment from him, or from her either. They were pushover parents when it came to this sweet girl. It was a bad habit that would probably cause her to grow up spoiled but for now, considering how lucky they were to have her, they could live with themselves if she refused to eat vegetables or clean her room every now and then.

"Julie, I'm going to count to five," Karen let the empty threat hang in the air.

"Fine," Julie said, a term she had picked up at an early age and was a sign of defeat on her end.

She scooted out of her fort, dragging the books with her to stuff back on the shelf before she tugged on the bed sheets that held up the walls of her fort, folding them clumsily, then rearranging her stuffed animals back on the chair and toy box against the wall.

"Good girl," Karen praised her as she began unwinding the cord to the vacuum.

The cleaning did not take long and Julie occupied herself by reading on the bed until her mother left the room and she could reassemble her fort. Knocking from the front door downstairs caught Julie's attention now but her mother did not seem to hear it, so she leapt out of bed and scurried downstairs to answer it. Her parents warned her not to do this because it could be dangerous if a stranger was at the door, which everyone was deemed a stranger in Julie's world. All she knew were her parents, teacher at school and the twenty or so kids in her class. Other than them, no one visited, so when someone was at the door, it was exciting to see who it was. Julie ran as fast as her legs could carry her, reaching the front door and tugging on the handle, using all her strength to yank it open.

"Hi!" she greeted cheerfully, not recognizing the woman on the porch.

"Hi," the woman greeted back in a somewhat equally cheery tone "are your parents' home?"

"Julie!" Karen scolded the little girl, having come downstairs upon noticing she had left the room and discovered her answering the door which was against the rules until she got older "you know you're not supposed to talk to strangers!"

Karen in overprotective mode, scooped Julie up in her arms before attending to the person at the door.

"I'm sorry," she apologized "she's a bit too friendly with people she doesn't know, my husband and I keep telling her-

Karen paused mid-sentence upon seeing who was at her door.

Constance waved at them both. Julie waved back but Karen grabbed her hand to make her stop.

"What do you want Connie?" Karen asked, wondering what could bring her back so suddenly after three years of silence from the woman, never knowing where she was after their fight way back when Julie was two.

"I have some good news," Constance said, "I've finished school, college that is, I'm working as a secretary at an office downtown, it's good money, I've got an apartment too, mom and dad are talking to me again but that's probably because I'm old enough to buy them drinks."

Karen did the math in her head and realized Constance was twenty-one years old now.

"That's great," Karen praised but wasn't buying the story because Constance had a habit of lying before.

"I brought presents too," Constance said holding up a shopping bag "toys and books for Julie."

"Presents!" Julie gushed, the only word that mattered to her in this exchange.

She reached out eagerly for the bag, but Karen turned her away.

"Not yet baby," she warned, sensing some impending danger or trouble from Constance because that's how their encounters always went.

"Is Patrick home?" Constance asked now "I want to tell him sorry for how I reacted about the whole adoption thing, I realized what I had to do, grow up and take charge and that's what I did."

"I'm sure he'll he happy," Karen said, "I'll be sure to tell him you stopped by."

She started to shut the door, but Constance stepped into the foyer.

"Oh, come on," she said of Karen's hesitance to speak with her "I'm trying to make amends, what's the big deal?"

But Karen couldn't really say what was bothering her. The fact that Constance always had a motive or agenda that benefited herself more than anyone else? The fact that she still didn't trust the woman no matter what she said. Or the fact that Julie was old enough now to hear these conversations and potentially be exposed to the secret her parents were keeping from her.

"It's just, now is not a good time," Karen lied, swaying with Julie unsteadily as Constance got closer to them "Patrick will be home soon anyways, and I don't know what he'll say when he sees you."

"Relax, I know my brother," Constance said waving her hands casually "He can't stay mad at me."

Constance was looking at Julie with interest as she asked, "Hi honey, remember me?"

Julie shook her head, going into full on shy mode, burying her face in Karen's shoulder.

"She doesn't know, Connie," Karen tried to be subtle about the situation, shifting Julie in her arms.

"Of course," Constance said, realizing they had not told the child about who she really was "why am I not surprised?"

"She's too little," Karen defended their choice "she won't understand."

"Well are you ever going to tell her?" Constance asked, her voice raising in anger.

In typical bad timing, Karen heard the side door opening and she knew Patrick was home but in case it was not obvious, Julie had razor sharp hearing and usually spent the last half hour of her day waiting for Patrick to come home so they could play. Karen did not need Julie's loud squeals of delight in her ear as she screeched "Daddy's home!" squirming uncontrollably in Karen's arms until she gave in a lowered her back to the ground. Julie raced into the kitchen to get to the side door where Patrick had walked through and set his briefcase and paperwork down on the counter. Julie careened at him, and he caught her in his arms, picking her up with ease and hugging her tight.

"Hey munchkin," he greeted her "how was your day?"

"Mommy made me take my fort down," she complained to him, crossing her arms in anger.

"That's okay," Patrick said, "we can rebuild it after dinner, how's that?"

Julie shrugged, brushing her wild curly hair out of her eyes, something she had to do often no matter how many times she got a hair-cut.

"Did you help mommy clean your room?" Patrick asked now.

"Maybe," Julie lied sheepishly.

Patrick gave his daughter a funny look, testing her, knowing she was being silly.

"What does that mean huh?" he teased her, tickling her now which was what she wanted.

Her giggles filled the kitchen and almost drowned out the shouting from the living room.

"What's that all about?" Patrick asked casually to Julie.

"Mommy and her friend are fighting," Julie said sadly.

"Which friend?" Patrick asked but Julie could only shrug.

Curious, Patrick carried Julie back into the living room, seeing Karen and Constance arguing. When Constance saw her brother, she stopped and turned her attention to him.

"There you are," she said, "would you talk some sense into your wife?"

"Why is it always a fight with you two?" Patrick asked.

"She wants to take her Patrick," Karen interjected now "she wants to take Julie."

"Take me where?" Julie demanded to know now but Patrick felt his heart sink at this declaration.

"Karen, take Julie upstairs," Patrick calmly insisted, handing her back to Karen who snatched her protectively.

"I want to stay!" Julie protested immediately, hating being kept out of grown up conversations.

She squirmed in protest again, trying to fight her way out of Karen's arms.

"You can't keep her from me," Constance snapped "I have rights."

"Would you just listen for a minute?" Patrick said, stopping his sister from following Karen and Julie upstairs, "think about what your asking, you want to take Julie from her home, the only place she's known for five years, she has school here and friends, she feels safe here, this is all she knows, why would you want to do that to her?"

"Because she's mine," Constance said, "I got cleaned up, I can raise her now."

"I believe you," Patrick said, "and I'm happy, truly, but Julie needs stability, and we can give that to her, we want you to visit but, she can't know who you really are."

"Your still ashamed of me," Constance realized "are you ever going to tell her the truth?"

"She's better off not knowing," Patrick concluded.

Constance stared at her brother in disbelief.

"She was better off in that orphanage," she snapped one final insult at him before being forced to retreat like last time in defeat.

It took all of Patrick and Karen's combined parenting skills to calm Julie down that evening. She threw an epic tantrum insisting they tell her what the grown ups talked about. Patrick realized that this stubborn streak in Julie was no doubt a direct inheritance from Constance who had been having meltdowns since age two. Karen and Patrick stood helplessly outside Julie's room while she cried, debating what to do to soothe her.

"Are we ever going to tell her the truth?" Karen asked Patrick.

"I don't know," he sighed, running his hand through his hair "obviously she's too young right now, but when? Sixteen? Eighteen? Twenty-one? There's really no good time to bring up the subject."

"But what if she starts asking questions?" Karen pondered "she's not going to look like us when she's older, people in town will see that, it's a negative cloud she shouldn't have hanging over her."

"You're right," Patrick agreed "how about when she's eighteen then?" That way if she hates us, she can find Constance and talk to her and then she will understand why we kept it a secret."

"I suppose," Karen agreed wincing at Julie's cries of anguish "but what about tonight?"

Patrick sighed and motioned for Karen to follow him as he opened the door to Julie's room.

She had thrown all her stuffed animals on the floor and ripped all the blankets off her bed in anger. Now she sat in the middle of her bed with nothing to toss. When she saw her parents, she stood up on the bed and charged at them until Patrick caught her in his arms.

"Listen baby girl," he soothed "I'm sorry you had to see that fight,"

"Why were you fighting?" Julie asked, choking on sobs.

"Well honey, grownups fight about really stupid things," Patrick explained gently to her "like when the kids in your class fight about toys, what does the teacher do?"

"Put them in time out," Julie said wiping her eyes on her pajama sleeves.

"Exactly," Patrick said, "and sometimes grownups need timeouts when they fight too, and you were not part of that fight, so you don't get a timeout, just us."

It was a lame excuse, he knew, but for now, Julie bought it and her sobbing eased slightly.

"Is that woman going to take me away?" Julie asked now.

"No!" Karen spoke up loudly now, scooping Julie out of Patrick's arms and holding her as if the threat was still imminent, "no one is going to take you from us, we promise."

"Good," Julie said, "I like it here, I don't ever want to leave."

Patrick and Karen knew in time that mindset would change, but for now, they would take that as a sign they were doing the right things, even if guilt ate at them for Constance's sake. Their love for Julie could surpass that guilt and when they tucked her in for bed after cleaning up the mess she made, and she told them she loved them, it made their choices that much more justified.


	4. Chapter 4

1979

"I'm sorry to have to call you both in, I know how busy you are at the hospital and at the elementary school, but I felt this issue needed to be addressed before it gets out of hand."

Patrick and Karen sat in the uncomfortable wooden chairs in front of the middle school principals desk feeling as if they were the ones in trouble and not their eleven-year-old daughter. It was not the question of what she did, it was the question of what she did _this_ time around. The principal sat with Julie's file open in front of her and began to read.

"On the day in question," she started reading.

"You mean yesterday?" Patrick couldn't help but point out to which Karen nudged him for being rude in the moment.

"Please continue," Karen motioned to the principal.

"On the day in question," the principal began again "Julie and her classmates had a group activity for science class outside, the teacher paired them off but within minutes was breaking up a fight between her and her classmate Todd, both children seem to have a different story about what happened but the same ending, Julie hit Todd, with such force that he needed to visit the nurses office."

"Is he okay?" Karen asked worriedly.

"He will be fine," the principal assured her "but we cannot tolerate this violent streak in your daughter."

"This is the first we are hearing of it," Karen said but that was an outright lie. For years she had been dealing with minor scuffles and fights between her daughter and other classmates, mostly boys.

"Your daughter is very bright for her age," the principal went on "but she gets angry very easily, and that anger clouds her judgment in the moment, so she reacts to that instead of rationalizing her emotions first, we see it all the time, but usually with students from broken homes which is why I must ask, is there anything going on at home that might be causing her to act out?"

Patrick shifted nervously in the chair now. While their home life had been mostly ideal for the last eleven years, he remembered his childhood, his life with Constance, the way she used to hit classmates who upset her, how she could never handle stress without getting angry. It seemed Julie was inheriting that anger despite their efforts to keep her calm.

"Not that I can think of," he replied, delayed.

"Honestly, Julie is a great kid at home," Karen added to the defense "she does what we tell her, she finishes all her homework without us telling her to, if she's upset, we talk about it, if she's upset when she's here and we can't help her, then she must be upset about that."

The principal nodded, knowing the two parents in front of her were doing their jobs and seemed truly concerned for Julie unlike some of the parents she met with.

"Is she in trouble?" Karen asked worriedly now.

"She will have to serve a detention with me next week after school," the principal said, "but just one, for now, if the issue continues, we may have to put it on her permanent record."

Patrick and Karen both nodded in acceptance for Julie who would carry out the punishment as told.

When they were finally allowed to exit the office, Julie was waiting for them in the small waiting area of the principal's office where the school secretary worked.

"Well? Julie asked when she saw them emerge from the office as if she were just waiting for test results.

"Detention, next week," Patrick said bluntly.

"What?" Julie snapped "Todd started it, why do I have to be punished?"

"We will talk about this at home," Karen silenced her, marching her out the door and back into the hallway.

The walk to the car and the subsequent drive home was silent. Julie stared out the window feeling anger coursing through her body. She wanted to throw something but there was nothing in reach in the back of her parent's station wagon, so she would have to stifle the rage until she got home and could properly throw a book or something.

"Is this going to be a trip we have to make again young lady?" her father asked her now from the driver's seat.

"Not unless I get caught again," Julie mumbled but not quiet enough.

Karen turned to pierce her daughter with a stern look.

"No ma'am," Julie mumbled sheepishly knowing she had to be polite or else she would be punished more.

As they entered their house a few minutes later, Julie tossed her backpack in the corner of the living room then collapsed on the couch and reached for the TV remote.

"I don't think so," Karen said snatching the remote from her "homework first, then your chores, then dinner and right to bed."

"That's not fair!" Julie immediately protested.

"Want to make it a whole week of no TV?" Karen threatened.

"Fine!" Julie shouted her usual sign of defeat before flinging herself from the couch, snatching up her backpack and stomping up the stairs where they both heard the unmistakable sound of her bedroom door slamming.

"I hate this," Karen sighed "I hate being so tough on her, she's only eleven Patrick, she's not supposed to be this moody until she's sixteen."

"This is Constance," Patrick whispered, "she was just like this, I remember."

"It's not her fault," Karen said, "she's not here to cause this."

"I know," Patrick said, "it's just, funny, I guess, how she's so much like her."

"She could have really hurt that kid," Karen reminded him, and Patrick wasn't sure if she was referring to Julie hitting Todd or what the violence would have been like if Constance was raising Julie right now.

"Maybe something else is bugging her," Patrick wondered aloud.

"Like what?" Karen asked.

"I'm going to find out," Patrick said, starting up the stairs.

Julie yanked out each item from her back pack and set it down with a loud bang on her desk; books, pencil case, notebook, if it was loud enough to annoy her parents, she would be sure to slam it. Sure enough, when she heard knocking on her bedroom door, she snapped "I'm working, I promise!" But that still didn't stop her father from entering her room.

"I believe you slugger," he said acknowledging her with a nickname he had given when she was nine and smacked a baseball right out of their yard and over three more houses.

"Don't call me that," Julie snapped, crossing her arms in anger at the name.

"Come on, you're still our slugger even if you misbehave," Patrick reminded her, sitting on the edge of her bed "and speaking of that, why did you hit that kid?"

"You wouldn't understand," Julie muttered feeling sadness creep into her chest now.

"Try me," Patrick challenged, and she couldn't help but turn to look at him in shock that he wanted to listen to her side of the story.

"I love science class," she began "it's the best class ever, and yesterday we did that cool project outside, I got to work with Todd and I really did like him, we were friends for years, but, when my teacher was talking about NASA and possibly more trips to space in the future, I said I thought it would be cool to go to space and Todd said I would never go to space because, well because I'm a girl, and that's so not fair because I'm smart, if I studied hard I could go, right?" So, when he kept telling me I couldn't got to space ever, I got mad and I hit him, that's not fair to tell me I can't just cause I'm a girl."

She was twisting her hands together as she told the story and Patrick felt his heart break for her.

"No baby, it's not fair," he agreed "Todd is wrong to tell you that you can't be something just because you're a girl, I know right now it seems like boys get to do more but you and your classmates are young, a lot can change by the time you get older, so if you want to go to space honey, then do your very best to make that happen, and if it doesn't happen, just knowing that you tried is what's important."

"Really?" Julie asked now, her eyes growing wide with excitement at all the possibilities of space travel and other adventures.

"Really," Patrick assured her "I'm sorry your mom and I didn't tell you that sooner, we should have."

"It's okay," Julie said, "I don't really know for sure if I want to go to space all the time, some days I want to be a teacher like mom or a doctor like you, or work with animals like Jessica's mom does, what do you think I should be?"

"Honey that's sweet of you to ask me," Patrick said, "but I can't decide for you, you'll know what's right when you find it."

Patrick watched Julie stare at the wall of her room, apparently pondering the possibilities for her future and he watched a tiny smile form instead of her usual angry frown whenever she felt upset.

"But you have to finish that homework first," he reminded her, standing up from her bed and leaning over to kiss her forehead "we'll call you when dinner is ready."

"Okay," Julie said, feeling less angry and more motivated to do her work now so she could maybe grow up and get to space faster.

As Patrick turned to leave the room, Julie called for him.

"Daddy I really am sorry for what I did," she admitted.

"Don't tell me," Patrick said, "tell Todd,"

1984

The garage; the one area of the house Karen usually avoided. Not that she didn't feel obligated to occasionally offer to mow the lawn or take care of the trash out back, but Patrick was usually the one to jump at those tasks faster than she did. But one summer day, she was hanging potted plants around the yard space when she heard noises coming from inside the garage; loud bangs, the sound of metal scratching on metal, a quick hum of a drill and possibly a saw followed by the unmistakable sound of Patrick swearing loudly. Karen sighed and proceeded around to the front of the yard and opened the garage door to see her husband standing next to a beat-up old car that was covered in dirt, dust, rust and other various debris. Pieces of the car were falling off and there was no steering wheel.

"What's all this?" Karen asked waving at the mess all over the floor of tools and car parts.

"Oh, hey honey, check it out," Patrick said excitedly "I found this beauty just sitting there in a scrap yard on the way home the other day and I had to have it."

"Beauty?" Karen questioned of the rusted vehicle.

"Well eventually," Patrick said, "I'm going to restore it."

"What's wrong with our car now?" Karen asked.

"It's fine dear," Patrick said, "this one is for fun."

Karen sighed and figured this must be some mid life crisis event she heard men go through even though Patrick was not yet near the right age for that.

"Just be careful okay?" Karen warned him, knowing he was not savvy at repairs of any kind.

"I will honey," Patrick assured her, saluting with a wrench in hand that promptly fell and landed inches away from his foot.

Patrick sheepishly picked up the tool and grinned.

Julie steered her bike up the driveway intending to put it in the garage like she usually did when she came home from her job at the library or from a friend's house, only to find the door closed and scratching sounds coming from inside. She pushed the door open and spotted her father with his head inside the hood of an old looking car.

"Daddy what are you doing?" Julie asked, startling Patrick so badly, he bumped his head on the hood of the car.

"Hey sweetie," Patrick greeted her happily despite the pain in his head "check this out, a 1957 Cadillac, I've wanted one of these for years."

"It's broken," Julie stated the obvious of the missing steering wheel.

"I know princess," Patrick said, "but I'm going to fix it, do you wanna help?"

"I don't know anything about cars," Julie said sadly.

"Me either," Patrick admitted "but we can work on it together, it could be our fun little summer project?"

Julie pondered the idea with just one thing on her mind.

"When it's fixed, can I drive it?" she asked.

"Of course," Patrick promised.

With that promise on the horizon, Julie dove into the car project with Patrick every day she didn't have to work at the library. She learned how to use basic tools and more complicated ones. She learned how to change the oil, fix the brakes, put on a new bumper, lights, every little detail. Her father relied on mechanic books and the aide of a local mechanic who supplied the parts they needed for the 57 model. Karen often had to call them both away from the project to come inside for dinner and to rest. On a cooler summer day in August, Karen checked in on the pair in the garage. Julie had her hair tied back, work overalls on as she lay on the floor of the garage checking something on the tire of the car. She had grease smudges on her face and forehead.

"Sweetie are you sure you want to do this?" Karen questioned her daughter's interest in the car project and being this dirty all the time.

"Are you kidding?" Julie said, "this is great, there's so much to a car I never knew about, and I can drive it when it's done, how cool is that?"

Julie's eyes were bright with excitement and Karen could not squash that.

"That's very cool baby," Karen admitted at last, wiping a smudge of grease from Julie's face for all the good it would do when there was at least a dozen more.

Finally, at the end of August, the car was complete. Patrick was applying one last coat of wax to keep the new paint shiny and new before snapping a dozen pictures to show his friends and co-workers. Julie stood by, hovering on her toes, eager for Patrick to make due on the promise he made her. The keys were hanging on a hook near the work bench and Julie was ready to snatch them right off the wall, but she knew better than to jump the gun when this was her father's car, he should drive it first. Karen stood next to Julie, proud of the pairs accomplishment.

"It looks great," she admitted "you guys did a wonderful job."

"We sure did," Patrick said, eyeing the car with pride "who wants a ride?"

"Me!" Julie piped up eagerly bouncing up and down.

Patrick took the keys and unlocked the door. Karen and Julie got in, Karen letting Julie have the front seat since the car was her project too. They were careful to only take the car a few blocks around the neighborhood for it's first run. The new car generated looks from neighbors, mostly stares of envy which Patrick and Julie enjoyed seeing more than they should have. Once they were satisfied with how the car drove and that it was safe, they took it back home, backing it gently back into the garage.

"All right," Patrick said, "she runs great, I didn't hear any strange noises, did you honey?"

"Nope," Karen confirmed.

"What do you think Jules?" Patrick asked Julie.

"It's great dad," Julie said, "all the neighbors were jealous."

"Good," Patrick said, "and I bet your friends will be jealous on the first day of school when you ride up in it."

Before Julie could react, he had tossed her the keys which she caught, her hands shaking at what she had just heard.

"Do you mean it?" Julie asked, shocked.

"It's yours baby," Patrick said, "you built it, you deserve it."

"But, we both built it," Julie stammered at this too good to be true gift "I thought you- your friends at work- the junk yard."

"I'd like a ride every now and then," Patrick admitted "but you need it more than me."

Julie shook her head, unable to process what was happening. She had only had her license for a few months and had only been allowed to use the station wagon a few times. But here she was now with a car of her own.

"We'll have to get all the paperwork set up and get a license plate, so you can't take it out for too long," Patrick reminded her as she ran to him, throwing her arms around him in a tight hug.

"Thank you!" she cried realizing none of her friends had their own cars yet. Better yet was the fact she had worked on this one and knew everything about it.

"You're welcome slugger," Patrick said, "just promise us you'll be safe and take care of it and if you need help don't hesitate to ask me."

"I promise," Julie said wiping her eyes then hugging her mother as she wept "did you know about this?"

"I had a hunch," Karen admitted, proud of themselves for pulling off the best surprise a sixteen year old could get.

AN- The next chapter will wrap up Julie's past and begin in the recent present with her coma survival and search for answers about her family now as an adult. TBC.


	5. Chapter 5

1985

Papers had littered the floor. Drawers had been upturned and the contents spilled onto the couch and floor as well. Miscellaneous junk was taking over half the living room surface and yet the thing Julie needed was nowhere to be found. She let out a snarl of frustration. Normally she loved a good puzzle or hunting down a missing item, but this search was becoming endless and giving her a headache. Her mother's shrill voice cutting through the air like a knife interrupted her search.

"Julie Elisabeth, what are you doing?" Karen snapped, arms folded in anger, staring in disbelief at the mess all over her living room floor.

"Looking for something, just chill out," Julie tried to diffuse the situation "I'm going to clean it up, I promise."

But that didn't stop Karen from kneeling on the floor and starting to grab at the loose papers.

"Why don't you just tell me what you need?" Karen asked incredulously.

But at that exact moment, Julie had spotted the leather-bound album tucked away behind several other books on the bottom shelf.

"Got it!" she exclaimed in triumph, beginning to open the photo album.

Karen looked up to see Julie opening a photo album and her heart immediately dropped into her stomach.

"Give me that!" Karen ordered, standing up and lunging for the album, snatching it right out of Julie's hands.

"What the hell?" Julie snapped at her mother's odd behavior.

"Watch that tone young lady!" Karen spat back, cradling the photo album like it was gold.

"What's the big deal?" Julie asked, "it's just a bunch of old pictures, I need them for my senior project, they want us to have one picture from every age of our life."

But Karen was still clutching the album, refusing to let go or even reason with Julie in the moment.

"These are the only copies we have," she lied.

"I'll be careful, I promise," Julie said, "why won't you let me see them?"

It was a loaded question that Karen could not answer on the spot. Yes, they had acquired many photos of Julie as an infant but there were no pictures of her right after her birth, as she was not yet part of their family. How could she explain that without Patrick? How could they tell her the truth after all these years? Constance had not reappeared since Julie was five and if they brought it up now, it would confuse Julie and what if she hated them for what they did?

"It's just, they are old pictures," Karen continued to lie "If you'll just wait, I can get you the nicer pictures from the album upstairs."

She started backing away towards the steps, but Julie was shaking her head in confusion.

"But I want _those_ ," Julie demanded.

With two stubborn women standing their ground, this battle was not going to end well.

It would be a miracle if one day, Patrick could come home from work and not have to hear shouting when he walked through the door. Sadly, that day was not today. He didn't even have time to take off his shoes before going into the living room to investigate the source of the shouting. His fears of a re-match between Karen and Constance were soothed when he saw it was just Karen and Julie fighting. Nevertheless, Julie's shouts eerily echoed Constance's.

"Girls, what's going on here?" he had to shout to be heard.

"Mom won't let me see the pictures I need for my school project," Julie explained, pointing at the sacred album in Karen's hands.

Karen looked at Patrick with sad eyes, looking at the album then back to him.

"Ah," he said feeling awkward now, realizing what Julie would find if she snooped in that book.

"Honey," Patrick said to Julie, "your mother doesn't want you to see the album because, well, it's embarrassing to admit but we have some rather, risqué photos in there, honeymoon stuff, very old, but very, you know."

"Oh gross," Julie said, making a face of disgust "why didn't you just say so?" I can wait until you burn those if you want."

"Thanks," Karen mumbled, stunned by Patrick's lie "I'll uh, sort out the silly ones and let you have the ones you need."

That was good enough for Julie. Despite years of her curiosity, she tended to believe what they told her, even though she got into more trouble with kids and teachers at school. Her parents trust was the only thing she seemed to respect and that made Karen and Patrick feel guiltier for keeping secrets from her. Julie made due on her promise and cleaned up the papers and junk on the floor while Karen and Patrick went upstairs to dispose of the fake photos when, they were hiding the ones taken at the nuns' orphanage and at the house on her first day home as a six-month-old instead of a newborn. When they returned, Karen handed Julie the album that was organized from one year old until current.

"Thanks," Julie said feeling less hostile now "oh, I'll need my birth certificate too, I need to start applying to college soon, but no rush on that."

As Julie darted up the stairs with her pictures, Karen and Patrick felt anxious again. In seventeen years, a birth certificate had never been mentioned and now they had to scramble to find one. The last time Patrick saw it was in the hands of the nurse the night Constance scribbled her newborns name on it in haste. This was going to be a challenge.

1987

Julie was fuming. She couldn't believe what this stupid science class was making her do. She had only been in college for a year and a half and was relatively happy with her classes and progress. But today's assignment threw her into a world of confusion. She didn't know who to talk to. She didn't know who was wrong in this scenario; her science skills or her professor. She had followed the procedure correctly, even hunting down the correct info from her parent's files in the cabinet upstairs a few weeks ago. But the lab she was working in for this class had run the test twice and still given her the same results. Now Julie carried those papers up the walkway of her parent's home where she had to stop in to confirm her suspicions. To her surprise, they were not home. She resolved to sit in the arm chair, solemnly awaiting their return. When she heard car doors slamming, she felt her heart race at the confrontation about to happen.

Julie spent most of her time on campus which was only twenty minutes away from them, but when Patrick and Karen got to see her, it was a treat. So, when they arrived home from dinner and noticed her car in the street, they were happy and eager to see how she was doing. What they did not expect was their daughter, sitting in the living room looking sad when they walked in.

"Jules," Patrick acknowledged her "what's wrong? Did something happen at school?"

"Sort of," Julie said standing up with the papers in her hand "we've been doing some labs this week and yesterday we did something called blood typing, so we tested it on ourselves first before we get a real sample."

"I remember those labs," Patrick said recalling his classes.

"So, you know what this means then, right?" Julie said, holding the papers up for them to see.

In her scribbled writing and some unfamiliar handwriting, Patrick and Karen could see letters mushed together on a chart; A, B, AB and O. Karen could not make heads or tails of the scientific lingo, but Patrick stared at the papers in shock.

"They made you test us?" Patrick said stunned at what he was looking at.

"Yep," Julie said bluntly "notice anything funny?"

Karen looked at Patrick waiting for him to answer but when he didn't, she asked "What's funny?"

"They don't match," Julie said coldly, crossing her arms.

"I don't understand," Karen said shaking her head.

"You might not," Julie said, "but dad does, and I do, it means the blood types you guys have, don't match mine, we are not related."

The silence that filled the air was deafening. Julie stood, eyeing her parents, or whom she assumed were her parents but now was not sure. Patrick continued to hold onto the lab paperwork, his hands beginning to shake. He did not expect this moment to happen this way. Although he and Karen discussed telling Julie the truth when she was eighteen, that birthday had come and gone, and they had refrained from speaking about it out of what the assumed was love and for her overall general happiness. Now they faced the devil itself in their lies right here on this paper. As a doctor, Patrick knew that paternity with blood was accurate ninety percent of the time and if Julie's professor was as good as he figured, this test was correct. What he could not ignore, was the fact that the test failed to show they were in fact related in some way and he only hoped Julie would understand what this meant and why they chose to keep it a secret for so long.

"This is a lie," Karen's shrill voice suddenly filled the air, snatching the paper from Patrick and beginning to tear it apart.

"Hey, I need that for class!" Julie yelled trying to snatch the shredded pieces from her mothers' hands.

"Get another copy then," Karen snapped, her tone growing more hostile.

"Dad!" Julie protested, turning to him for help.

"Uh, honey, listen, I don't know what your professor says but I can assure you, this test is wrong," he lied, sensing what Karen was doing and trying to play along. It made him feel cowardly for continuing the lie even though Julie was over eighteen and legally could seek out the truth. He loved her and Karen too much to cause a rift between the three of them.

"We double checked it," Julie continued to fight them "You're a doctor, how can you not see it?"

"Tests can be wrong," Patrick said, hating himself every time he spoke "we see it all the time at the hospital."

"You're lying!" Julie snapped.

"Don't use that tone," Karen interjected "you finish that assignment and don't ever speak about it again, do you understand?"

Julie shook her head, confused, hurt by what she was hearing. She never once felt displaced or unloved here, but she did wonder why she only knew her parents. She had never seen aunts or uncles, or grandparents and she was an only child. Why had they never given her siblings? She knew there was a lie here somewhere, but she had no idea where to start looking when her parents were refusing to tell her anything. She looked back and forth from Karen to Patrick, sensing something they were not telling her, her face growing hot with frustration at not being able to know more.

"Fine!" she snapped as usual whenever they had disagreements but this time she had an escape. She stormed out the front door and back into her car which she took back to campus.


	6. Chapter 6

A cool breeze picked up, tossing leaves into the air. Constance drew the scarf closer to her face to keep the chill from stinging. She could not stay here for long, less someone would see her and think she was preying on the kids at the school across the street. But she had to see for herself. It was eight thirty on the dot according to her tiny golden watch when she spotted the pair making their way up the sidewalk. Julie was holding onto Karen's hand but fidgeting. Constance watched the pair make their way to the elementary school. According to Constance's math, Julie was six and would be in the first grade today. She watched Julie step on fallen leaves, crushing them with what little brute force she had being six and tiny. She toted a backpack and lunch box, her curls bouncing with each pounce she inflicted on the innocent leaves. Constance watched Karen allow Julie a few assaults on the leaves before gently tugging on her hand and forcing her to walk normally now. Constance felt the urge to run at the pair and snatch the little girl from that rigid woman; in her world, she could crunch as many leaves as she wanted. But she had to refrain, there were people watching, and any move she made would constitute a kidnapping charge. So, she stood rooted to her spot across the street, shielded by several trees and shrubs, watching not just Julie and Karen but other parents with their children. Despite the young age at which she had given birth, she could not recall a time when she didn't feel like one of these exhausted parents. Her brother was so successful, and she was the screw up, yet she had to work twice as hard to earn better grades at that girls' school. The school bell ringing signaled the end of her watch as Karen knelt to kiss Julie goodbye before scooting her off into the building with her friends and classmates. Constance felt a rage come over her when she saw Karen hug and kiss _her_ daughter but there was nothing she could do to change this situation now. She wondered how many more painful encounters she was willing to put herself through just to see Julie grow up. As she disappeared behind the bushes and back towards her car, she knew the answer would be upwards of infinity.

The pink and silver bike had completely given out as Julie made a turn around the corner, propelling her onto the ground, her knees scrapping against the brittle cement sidewalk. She braced herself with her hands and they too became bloodied when she landed hard onto the concrete. Constance felt an overwhelming urge to run to Julie again in her time of need and because no one else had witnessed the accident. If she revealed her presence to Julie now, she knew she would have to explain to Karen and Patrick what happened, and they would likely throw a fit, so she forced herself to stay hidden in her car. Julie stood up on shaky legs and scrambled to pick up her bike which looked bent in several places. Constance watched Julie drag the bike, limping, as she walked back to her house which was only a few yards away. Julie dumped her bike on the front lawn before continuing to limp up the walkway. Karen must have seen Julie from the window because she raced out the front door and met her halfway, turning to yell back into the house for Patrick who emerged, took one look at Julie covered in blood and her twisted bike to realize what happened before scooping her up and carrying her inside. Constance did not see the little girl shed one tear as she went through this ordeal. She waited and within twenty minutes, Julie was back outside, sitting on the porch steps eating ice cream, both her knees bandaged up with gauze as well as her wrists. Constance didn't have to worry about this kid, she was tough, as evidenced by the way she returned to her bike after eating her ice cream and twisted the front handles back to normal with her bare hands before starting to ride off down the sidewalk again.

Summer seemed to linger on the east coast longer than usual. Hot, sticky, humid weather remained even though August was ending. Constance used a cheap, handmade paper fan to try and cool down as she sat in her car, parked outside the recreational pool and playground. There were large trees tucked further on back along the property and from her car she could see Julie and her friends climbing high into their branches. Julie's group of friends consisted of all boys now, something most ten-year-old girls deemed as "weird" but from what Constance observed, Julie got along better with the boys in her class. She watched Julie climb higher and higher even though some of those boys began to protest her risky choice. Julie stuck her tongue out at those boys and kept climbing. Constance couldn't help but smile and think to herself " _That's my girl"_

The station wagon backed out of the driveway, toting Patrick, Karen and Julie inside. Constance watched the car roll down the street, make a stop at the stop sign then turn onto the main road. She waited until it was out of her sight before she stepped out of her car and proceeded up the walkway to the side door. There were, a considerable amount of bushed and shrubs to conceal her and she prayed that no neighbors were watching as she dug around in her purse for a bobby pin. Picking the old fashioned and poorly fastened lock was easy and the side door popped open with ease. Constance slid inside, locking it behind her. She walked slowly around the kitchen and into the living room, taking in the feel of the house. Knick knacks and books occupied the shelves. Pictures hung on the walls, nothing fancy, just generic scenes of nature and flowers. The dishes were clean, there was no laundry in the hamper and not a speck of dust on any of the tables. The purity of the place made Constance think of her Catholic school and a shiver ran up her spine. She detested religion and how it had influenced her parents over the years. But for the grace of God, she and Patrick did not fall for that nonsense, but she got the impression that Karen was somewhat of a devout follower. Constance continued her trek through the house, stopping at a large cabinet and shelf system that housed the TV, books, CD's, a radio, old record player and various other junk. Tucked away on one of the shelves was a photo album. Constance snatched it up and began thumbing through it. She stopped at various photos of Julie at different stages of her life. When she spotted duplicate photos, she tore them out and tucked them away into her purse. Each photo represented a different side of Julie; there was the frilly school picture of her as a child, wearing a ruffled dress and her wild curls forcibly tamed by Karen prior to the photo. Then there was Julie posing outside with some friends, covered in mud, no doubt allowed by Patrick who was more care free. Julie standing next to an old car in the garage. Julie on a bike. Julie blowing out birthday candles on a cake. Constance felt her heart ache with a bizarre longing to have been there for these moments but deep down, the conflicting notion that she never could have been the parent Julie needed. She took at least ten duplicate photos before becoming aware of the time; five forty. She put the album back as she had found it and let herself back out of the house. She drove to the high school and got a parking space near the back of the lot. There was a makeshift stage set up on the football field and parents and families were seated in the bleachers. She leaned on the hood of her car, listening to the principal reading off the names of each graduating student. Thank goodness their last name was early in the alphabet, Constance thought of the warm night and the way she was forced to stand out here in the parking lot. When the principal called out "Julie Elisabeth Finlay" Constance stood up on the hood of her car to see better and sure enough, the mass of blonde curls was easily visible amongst the crowd of black gowns and caps. Julie walked across the stage and accepted her diploma, never looking back towards the parking lot, never knowing there was an extra source of love there for her.


	7. Chapter 7

October 2016

There was something about the east coast in fall that Julie loved and missed dearly having lived in the rainy pacific northwest and then the hot desert southwest for so long. But being back here in the crisp fall air of Philadelphia was hardly a vacation. Armed with the entire Gig Harbor Killer casefile as well as the file Avery Ryan of the Cyber unit had given her weeks ago which revealed that Julie's parents had adopted her from a church convent and orphanage here in Philly, she was now desperate for answers. This was how Paul Winthrop found their connection and this was why he attacked her so violently. Now that May Winthrop had been caught and sent to prison, Julie still had questions she needed answers to about her entire life. She remembered doing the blood test in college and confronting her parents about it, but they were angry and forbid her from asking ever again. She couldn't disobey, since they were the only family she had, but she never got over their obvious lies. Now she was pursuing the only lead she had, the name and location of the church and convent where she had been adopted from and left out on the doorstep of the place as an infant. This eerie connection of religion and abandonment between her and Paul Winthrop settled in her mind and would not go away no matter how hard she tried. How did he figure it out before she did? And wouldn't that relation induce sympathy in the man and not violence? Her constant worry and desire to know her real past and possible find her real parents was eating away at her enough to cause her to book a flight and hotel to Philly at the end of October. Russell insisted it was too soon after the fire and her arms needed to heal more from the burns she sustained while rescuing May Winthrop, but Julie felt fine, she could handle this and if he didn't want to accompany her, she would go alone. But he knew better than to let her pursue this solo, which lead to where they currently sat, in a rented car, parked outside a church just a few blocks from the university and the neighborhood where Julie grew up.

"This is the place?" Russell asked her, peering out the passenger side window of the car at the church that loomed in front of them.

"Saint Mary's," Julie read off the file "how original."

Russell knew this trip would be loaded with emotions and various mood swings from her since finding out of her adoption, but he promised he would help her, so he continued with "Whom should we speak to?"

"A nun I'm guessing," Julie said, "someone who would remember my parents- I mean- Karen and Patrick- whomever they are."

She had to keep stopping herself every time she referred to them as her parents, but she didn't know what else to say. They had raised her, they were all she knew. Now that they had both passed away when she was in her twenties, she had no other way of finding out information except to work backwards and solve this just like any other case. Russell eyed her with sympathy, recalling meeting Patrick and Karen years ago when Julie first started working for him in Seattle. They were typical average parents, concerned with Julie's wellbeing just like anyone else. Now it pained him to imagine those people not being her true family because they hid it so well. There was no point lingering out here in the car any longer so they both exited the vehicle and began the walk up to the stone church. A large cross loomed over the front of the building which was connected to a separate building for the convent and another for the orphanage. Julie felt her stomach start to hurt at the thought of someone dumping her off here like garbage. Avery Ryan said the file only revealed she had been here as a baby and for the first six months of her life before being adopted but the records here would be more accurate.

Russell and Julie proceeded through the front doors made of metal frames and full top to bottom glass. There was a desk and office setting right up front with a woman as a secretary seated at the desk. Russell and Julie approached her, and she looked up to greet them with a smile.

"How can I help you folks?" she asked.

"I'm D.B Russell, this is Julie Finlay, we are investigators from the Las Vegas crime lab," Russell began "we were hoping to access some records from the orphanage regarding a child who was fostered here and then adopted, it's regarding an investigation back in Vegas."

"What's the child's name?" the secretary asked without hesitation.

"Julie Finlay," Julie replied feeling her heart race at the unknown in front of her.

The secretary stared at them in confusion.

"You're investigating yourself?" she asked with a raised eyebrow.

"It's a long-complicated story," Russell said, "do you have records we could look at?" 

"We do," the secretary confirmed "I just need date of birth."

"March twentieth, nineteen sixty-eight," Julie recited her birthdate but then began to wonder if that was even accurate or not.

"Oh, honey those are going to be way back in the archives," the secretary said, typing away at her computer "give me a second and I can bring them up."

This was too easy, Julie thought, her stomach still twisting in knots of nervousness.

"How long has this place been in service?" Russell asked her.

"Since nineteen thirty-two," the secretary said, "started out as just a church and convent but the orphanage was added a few years later to accommodate an outbreak of some illness that was killing off these poor kids' parents leaving them with no family."

She continued to type as she talked, squinting at the screen as she scrolled through records.

"Everything started out as handwritten notes but very accurate until the nineties when we started upgrading to computers," the secretary continued "I've been here since I retired in oh six and they nuns filled me in on all the details."

She fell silent again. Julie let her eyes wander to the setup of the church. It was your typical old-fashioned looking architecture. The walls had pictures of religious figures, statues and stone pillars. Beyond the secretary's desk were doors leading to the main worship hall, a dining hall for banquets and one labeled Orphanage. She felt a tiny pain in her chest at the sight of it. Had she really spent her first few days as a newborn in this old looking place? She shivered at that notion of being abandoned, seemingly unwanted and tossed aside. She had always had a sense of being unwanted by someone wherever she went, which was probably why she overcompensated when trying to initiate fun at work with Sara and Morgan, she needed to feel like she belonged. But that was for another psych session to figure out and she did not have time for those.

The secretary was squinting at her computer screen in apparent confusion, until her eyes lit up in realization.

"Got it," she announced "the nuns recorded a baby girl being left in the designated drop off area at four am on March twentieth nineteen sixty eight, she was examined by one of the doctors at the hospital down the street, she was deemed healthy and had been born only a few hours before the discovery, the nuns took her in and kept her with the other infants until September of that year when a young couple named Karen and Patrick Finlay adopted her at six months old, the nuns recorded that along with the couples file, background check and social workers sign off."

She eyed Russell and Julie and said, "Want copies?"

"Yes," they both echoed.

Russell and Julie left the convent after the secretary printed them copies of Julie's adoption papers as well as a scan of the original journal entry of her discovery on the backdoor drop off area from that early March morning.

"This still doesn't explain how mom and dad, uh, Karen and Patrick came to find me," Julie sighed, catching herself in her mistake again "and it doesn't help me figure out who my real parents are."

Nevertheless, she tucked the adoption papers into the casefile in her purse as they walked back to the car. She drove around the neighborhood, lost in thoughts of her childhood, coming to a sudden stop outside a row of houses, causing Russell to almost fly forward through the windshield.

"Uh Jules, I'd like to leave Philly in one piece," he joked with her at the sudden stop.

But she was staring out her driver's side window at the houses on the block, ignoring him.

"What is it?" he asked her now, trying to see what she was seeing.

"My house," she mumbled, and he was able to catch a glimpse of a small brick house with a spacious front yard and winding path to the front porch. It was a typical suburban home, but Julie had not seen it in years, not since her mother had passed away in 2007 and she had to sell it, begrudgingly. She did not care who moved in but now, she wondered if there were any clues left inside relating to her adoption. If her parents had been as careful as they had for nineteen years before she did that blood test, there was bound to be something. She jumped out of the car, to Russell's surprise and started walking up the walkway. Russell followed her, worried about her instability right now but curious at what was waiting for them inside. He was also wary of the current owners who might not take kindly to random strangers at their door. Julie marched onto the porch and knocked on the outside plexiglass panel door. For the longest time, there was no answer and Russell just assumed the owners were not home.

"Come on Jules," he tried to coax her back to the car but a moment later, the larger front door opened.

The current owner was an older looking woman who eyed them with suspicion.

"Can I help you?" she asked with the typical generic question.

"We uh- we work for the crime lab in Las Vegas Nevada," Russell informed her when Julie stayed silent "we are investigating a case at the orphanage and church and uh- "

He had to stop because he did not know Julie's end game to this lead.

"I used to live here," she finally piped up "when I was a kid until my parents died, I'm Julie."

She added her name as if that would make a difference but the woman at the door was clueless to Julie's goal here and that frustrated her, not being understood.

"I was wondering if we could come in, maybe and uh, look around?" she tried rocking on her toes when she got nervous.

"Uh, I guess," the woman said, "the place has changed hands over the years, so I don't know what you're hoping to find."

She opened the door for them and they entered casually. Julie took in the layout of the house which had not changed except for the updated furniture and large flat screen TV on the wall. The carpeting and flooring looked the same as it did when she was little, and the mold and trim of the walls and ceiling were in their original state. She spotted the corner of the living room where she used to throw her backpack aside after school. She wandered into the kitchen where she remembered running through to get to the side door where her father was always waiting for her after work. It pained her again to think of running and jumping into his open arms when her entire life had been a lie. She helped her mother cook in this kitchen as well. Despite the good times, the bad energy was weighing on her, crushing every good loving memory she has and replacing it with the notion that none of it mattered. She started up the stairs next and wandered into her old bedroom which was now someone's office. There were no remnants of her at all. The wall paper that coated the entire room had been ripped off and a more modern color of paint was coating the walls. The carpeting had been ripped up and replaced with hardwood floors. She could still feel her child like spirit here though. She remembered playing in this space, laughing, reading, making up her own little world she could escape to when she had a rough day at school or when her mother was being annoying. She thought back to the day she confronted her parents about the blood test, how angry her mother got but for what? If she wasn't really her mother, why not just come clean right then and there? Why prolongs the agony?

The longer Julie stared into the space, the more awkward she knew the owner must feel so she backed out of her old room and headed back downstairs.

"Sorry to intrude," Julie apologized to the owner "I was hoping to find something, a clue, a message, anything but there's nothing here."

"I'm sorry for whatever you're going through," the owner said, "I hope you find what you need."

"Thanks," Julie said as she and Russell left the house.

"That was stupid," Julie lashed out once back in the car "how could I be so stupid to think there would be anything left there?"

"It was a long shot," Russell admitted but didn't want to crush her already low spirit.

"I think we should go home now," Julie concluded of their trip "there's nothing left here for me, my life here didn't matter so there's no point digging around."

"I wouldn't say that," Russell sympathized "sure there might not be any clues left, but where you come from shapes you, I heard the stories your mom- Karen- told whenever she came to visit you in Seattle, you were a tough little kid, that counts for something."

"Not if it's all lies," Julie snapped back "what if I was raised differently? What if my real parents were better or worse? I never would have become a CSI and Paul Winthrop would never had attacked me, my parents, _those people_ , are the reason I got attacked and into a coma"

As she came to this realization, she felt her heart begin to beat faster and tears well up in her eyes.

"Hey," Russell said worriedly "this is not healthy Jules, you're beating yourself up about this, I want to help you but not if it's going to hurt you, yes Karen and Patrick adopted you and kept it secret but they must have had a good reason, maybe someone was trying to hurt you as a baby and they had to lie to protect you, people lie but evidence doesn't remember? So, let's focus on that."

Julie knew he was right but so far this trip was a wild goose chase. She knew Paul Winthrop would have been easily able to find her adoption information by hacking the churches records three years ago just as Avery Ryan had done. She knew enough about his reasons for attacking her and was sick of it. She started the car and drove back to their hotel, passing the hospital where her father worked for years, wondering how much of that life was true at all. They checked out of the hotel that night and were back in Vegas by midnight.


	8. Chapter 8

September 2018

"I have rights you know!" a hoarse voice yelled into the darkness.

"Ma'am, you can't stay here, the store owner is complaining, you're disrupting the business and disturbing the peace," the officer calmly tried to explain to the drunken woman in front of him.

"It's Friday night boys, party time!" she continued to yell, ignoring the warning.

"Ma'am please," the officer tried to reason with her "you can find a nice hotel or someplace to cool down."

He motioned for her to follow him away from the liquor store she was currently standing in front of, swinging around a bottle of vodka that was half empty. She looked dressed for some type of party; a sparkly blouse, black dress pants, costume jewelry that sparkled in their flashlight beams, hair tossed up in a messy bun that was falling out with every drunken move she made. But she was much older than the usual party crowd the officers were used to dealing with, she had to be at least in her late fifties or close to sixty.

"Don't touch me!" she screamed as the officers got closer to her.

She threw the liquor bottle at them but missed, sending the glass shattering across the parking lot and hitting their police cruiser. The officer sighed, not wanting to have to make an arrest tonight but this woman needed some time to chill out.

"Come on," he encouraged, reaching for her and finally managing to grab her arm.

She put up a fight as they led her to the police car, but she was unsteady, and her fighting was mostly curse words she yelled at them as they shut the back door of their car and started driving back to the station to book her.

She continued to make a fuss as they led her into PD and the booking area. It was prints, a mugshot and then they sat her down in the waiting area with the other nonviolent arrests from the night. Her resolve was wearing down as the alcohol was wearing off. They did not want to put her in a cell since she looked so frail and thin, the other prisoners would attack her for sure, and the arrest was not a serious charge, so they waited until they could get her to sober up and call a ride for her.

"Ma'am we need some more information," the officer said, "we need a name and some contact info, are you a resident of Las Vegas?"

"I want my phone call," the woman demanded now "I get one phone call, right?"

"You're not in trouble," the officer said.

"Then let me have my phone call," she insisted.

"We just need some ID and then"- the officer tried to be reasonable, but the woman pounced on him, grabbing at his uniform and reaching for the gun attached to the holster. The officer fought her off but now without resistance from her. She clawed at him with fake nails and spit on him. When another officer finally got her to let go of him, they pulled her away and took her straight to a holding cell. On lookers who observed the incident tried not to watch but some recorded it with their cell phones as the woman was awkwardly dragged away.

It was a slow night at the Vegas crime lab, until Henry came bursting through the break room door.

"Check this out," he said, tapping on his cell phone "some crazy lady attacked an officer at the station."

He let Hodges, Greg and Morgan gather around the table and watch the video of the apparent drunken woman launch herself at an officer.

"Yikes," Morgan said cringing "what is her deal?"

"It wouldn't be a Friday night if someone wasn't drunk and crazy," Hodges said.

"What are you guys watching?" Russell asked when he walked into the room.

"Uh nothing," Henry said quickly hiding the phone in case his boss disapproved.

"Some drunk lady at PD attacked an officer," Morgan explained unafraid.

"Typical Friday night," Russell said shrugging until his cell phone buzzed an incoming text message.

"They want me to help process that woman," he sighed after seeing the text "they can't settle her down, she's demanding a phone call, but she won't say to whom."

He sighed, not wanting to deal with this tonight but knowing this was all part of the job.

At the station, Russell met the group of officers who had dealt with this woman and were huddled around an interrogation room. Detective Crawford met him first.

"Patrol picked her up at a liquor store down the street," he explained "she threw a liquor bottle at them and attacked one of the officers when he tried to get her information, so they brought her in to sober up, she seems calmer now but keeps insisting on making that call."

"What do you want me to do?" Russell asked, clueless as to how he could help.

"Her behavior is odd, she might be hiding something more than just being drunk and disorderly," Crawford said, "better safe than sorry these days, and it's a slow night."

"Any ID on her?" Russell asked.

"Yeah a fake Pennsylvania ID," Crawford said showing him the obviously fake card.

He glanced over at the interrogation room where the woman now sat looking disheveled and tired. Russell entered, not sure what to say or even do for this woman. He sat down at the table across from her and said, "Rough night?"

"None of your business," she snapped "why did they send you in here? You're not a cop."

"I'm a CSI," Russell explained "I usually work crime scenes, process evidence, catch killers, but you caught our interest tonight, so they asked me to talk to you."

"You're lying," she accused him "they hate me, they don't want anything to do with me."

"Well you did attack an officer," Russell reminded her.

"I need to make a phone call," she continued to downplay the arrest and attack.

"How about you tell me your name and your business here in Vegas," Russell said, "are you here for vacation?"

"You law enforcement are all the same," the woman said, shaking her head "you're worse than doctors, you think you care about people like me but you don't give a damn, we're screw ups and trash, you think you can "save" us from our sins but when we don't shape up they way you want, you dump us."

Russell could not tell if she was crazy or still drunk. Nevertheless, he was wasting his time with her, so he got up and started to leave the room.

"You know I'm right," she uttered, with such snark and attitude that he stopped in his tracks, he had heard that turn of phrase before. He turned back around to stare at her. She had crossed her arms and leaned back in her chair, her loose blonde curls falling out of her updo, eyeing him with a look of hatred but also sass. The longer he stared at her, taking in those words, her bright eyes focused on him, never looking away, the staring contest so intense, he could see the tiny freckles on her cheeks.

"I'll be right back," Russell said, vacating the room clumsily, still shocked at the familiarity of the woman.

He returned to Crawford and asked hurriedly "Let me see that license again."

"It doesn't say much," Crawford said, "fake name, fake number, we are running her prints and DNA through the system now."

"DNA?" Russell questioned.

"She spit on the officer," Crawford explained "we figured if she won't talk, her prints and DNA will."

Russell felt an odd sense of panic rise in his chest. He had not thought about the case in so long, but now, details were starting to come back to him. A fake Pennsylvania ID, a mystery blonde woman with snark for miles, quoting something he had only ever heard one other person say in the exact same tone. It couldn't be. But he had to find out.

"Don't let her leave," he ordered Crawford now before hurrying back to the lab.

Russell was not stupid, he knew a DNA test could take days to confirm especially if they didn't have an exemplar sample. Luckily in this case, he hoped there was some left on the sample he retrieved before he entered Henry's lab to check on the sample.

"Hey, I heard Crawford gave you a DNA sample from the drunk woman in PD," he said as he walked in.

"Yeah can you believe she spit on that cop?" Henry said shaking his head "that's ballsy."

"There might be a reason," Russell said "remember a few years ago when Daniel Larson was murdered? There was a blood drop left at the scene, you ran it and found a familial match to Paul Winthrop and Jared Briscoe, once we found May Winthrop, we were able to compare them side by side for an accurate familial match."

"I remember," Henry said, "crazy stuff that case."

"Whatever that test was, I need you to do it again," Russell said.

"Who's the exemplar?" Henry asked.

Russell was silent as he slid a sealed bag across the table, inside was a toothbrush.

"This," he said, "whatever sample you can pull from here, but uh, please keep this between us, as soon as you get results, call me."

"Got it," Henry said.

Julie had wrapped up a case and signed off on the file before submitting it to Russell, but she could not find him in his office. She left it on his desk and was preparing to clock out for the end of her shift. It was rare to be finished with casework before midnight, but she did not have much to do this time around and was happy to retrieve her purse and car keys from her locker. When she opened the locker door, half of the contents inside came tumbling out. She cursed herself for not storing it all properly and hastily shoved random items back inside; her travel bag, spare set of clothes and shoes, a jacket, a sweater, and a hair brush she kept for occasions when she needed a quick touch up after a windy day or a decomp case. The final item she shoved back inside was a half-used tube of toothpaste she normally kept in her travel bag, so she could at least stay clean while on assignment. After securing the items, she walked back through the halls of the lab intending to go home and relax. Hodges laughing from his lab caught her attention, so she poked her head around the door frame and asked him "What's so funny?"

"This crazy lady at PD," he regaled the story to her "Henry shot the video earlier tonight, she was drunk apparently and made a huge scene."

Julie tilted her head as she watched the video on Hodge's cell phone.

"People these days," she said, not surprised by the behavior.

She bade Hodges goodnight before continuing her way out for the night. She had just rounded the corner when Russell bumped into her.

"Hey," she greeted "I left my casefile on your desk but I'm off for the night."

"That's great," Russell said, "can you uh- come with me to the station for a second."

"Why?" she immediately wanted to know.

"A case development," he said vaguely.

She stared at him, not sure what he was up to or if she should even go with him.

"Fine," she sighed "but not for long, I have a date with my bed and some ice cream."

Russell did not respond to her humor, instead, he steered her into the police station and down to the interrogation rooms.

"I want you to see this," he said, pointing to the two-way glass room, indicating that he wanted Julie to stay and observe from the other side.

Julie shook her head in disbelief as Russell entered the interrogation room. All she could see was him sit down across from woman dressed in a sparkly outfit with tangled blonde hair, arms crossed in defense. Julie recognized her, only because she just saw her on Hodges' phone moments ago.

Russell approached the metal table, holding a file folder, taking a seat across from the woman.

"I've been here for hours," she quipped at him "I appreciate the food and bathroom breaks, but I still don't have my phone call."

"You'll get it," Russell said calmly "but first, I have some questions."

"I might have answers," the woman said.

Russell opened the file and pulled out one sheet of paper.

"First thing to clear up," he began "why are you lying to us?"

"About what?" the woman snapped.

"Who you really are," Russell said "see, we have a fancy lab that does tests on people, but you already know that don't you."

"I watch the news," the woman said, hating that he was making her seem stupid.

"Then you also know that those tests can tell who a person really is," Russell continued "and thanks to your little charade at the station tonight, we had a reason to test you, your DNA and your blood."

At this news, the woman's tough façade faded. Russell watched the expression on her face go from arrogant to worried in one flicker of her eyes.

"When you were arrested tonight, the officers said you were drunk," Russell said, "but you haven't had a single drop of alcohol tonight, your blood test proves that, so my next question is, why did you fake it?"

"I need that phone call," the woman demanded now, her cheeks turning red.

"Soon, I promise," Russell said pulling out another sheet of paper "do you recognize this?"

The woman was staring at a photo of a church and an orphanage then a hospital and a brick house in some random neighborhood. She stared at Russell, loathing him in the moment.

"What are you trying to pull?" she asked of him coldly.

Russell was silent as he handed her his cell phone and said, "Go ahead and make your call."

After begging for the phone for hours, the woman was now staring at it as if it were a snake ready to bite her. Nevertheless, she reached shakily for it and dialed the memorized number she had been reciting in her head for hours. Julie watched the woman look helpless as she dialed the phone, whatever Russell said to her had made her break at last. Julie didn't have time to wonder why Russell was making her observe this because her cell phone ringing shrilly in her purse made her jump in surprise. When she fished it out from her purse, she was shocked to see the caller ID was Russell.

Julie's breath caught in her chest. The mystery woman in the interrogation room had her phone number. But how? And why? Julie didn't need to answer the phone because Russell had silenced the call with one tap of his finger on the cell phone screen. The woman stared at him, her eyes trying desperately to hold back tears of frustration, anger or some other emotion he could not identify. He looked at the two-way glass mirror wall and motioned for Julie to enter with a casual wave of his hand. She clutched her phone to her chest as she proceeded to step into the room. When the strange woman caught sight of her, she stood up quickly, causing the metal chair to scrape against the floor.

"You were watching?" she asked Julie who nodded, averting her eyes to the case file on the table which had images of Saint Mary's Church and orphanage in Philadelphia Pennsylvania as well as her childhood home and the hospital where her father worked. She had not looked at this file since she and Russell had made the journey to Philly to obtain records of her adoption almost two years ago. With no other leads, she stuffed the file into a desk drawer after Christmas of that year and tried to forget about it. But now, here it sat, open and exposed once again.

"What is this?" Julie asked Russell "why are you showing her that stuff and why does she have my number?" 

"Jules listen," Russell said standing up and putting both hands on her shoulders "I know this sounds crazy but when I saw her tonight, when Crawford asked me to talk to her, she said something to me, something I've only ever heard _you_ say and her eyes, her face, her hair, it got me thinking so I uh- I had Henry run the DNA sample from the saliva she so graciously left on the officers uniform during the fight, he ran it against an exemplar I took from you, from the toothbrush you keep in your locker, and Jules they match, we did it, we found her."

Julie stared at him, her eyes filling with tears, confusion overwhelming her and yet she understood what he was telling her.

"She's your mother," he finally concluded.

Julie shook her head, trying to back away from Russell and this apparent crazy trap she was in. She turned away from him, but he held on to her shoulders forcing her to stay.

"Look at her Jules," he said, "those eyes are yours, that hair, the freckles, and if that isn't enough, it's right here in the test results."

He handed her the paper from Henry's lab and even though she had read a thousand of these DNA reports, her brain refused to accept this one. Of course, she had been searching for this answer for years, but this could not be it. This felt so chaotic and abysmal.

"You're messing with me," she was forced to conclude "there's no way, after all this time, why now and why here?"

Russell looked at the woman still standing, silently watching this exchange go down.

"He's right," she finally admitted "I don't need your stupid test and pictures to know, he saw right through me."

"You're crazy," Julie said backing away towards the door now "both of you, I'm out of here."

"March twentieth, nineteen sixty-eight," the woman recited verbatim now, stopping Julie in her tracks.

"That's your birthday," she continued "one fifteen in the morning, University Hospital, Philadelphia Pennsylvania, I was sixteen, I begged him to take you but he said no, so we let you go at that convent, he promised me the nuns would take care of you but I felt so guilty, when I finally sobered up and came back to see him, he had you, he went back for you and was raising you, I was so mad."

Julie turned back now, entranced by this tale.

"Who are you talking about?" Julie demanded to know.

"Patrick Finlay, my brother," the woman continued "and his wife Karen."

TBC


	9. Chapter 9

Russell carried a third case file in addition to the Gig Harbor Killer file and the one he created with Julie for her family search. He returned to the interrogation room with Julie and her biological mother and sat down across from her, opening the file.

"Constance Elisabeth Finlay," he read "born July tenth nineteen fifty two in Philadelphia Pennsylvania to Julie and Thomas Finlay, older brother Patrick born November twenty third nineteen forty three, according to hospital records, you gave birth at age sixteen on March twentieth nineteen sixty eight at the hospital where your brother was working towards his medical degree, you were sent away to a Catholic girls school after giving birth, graduated from high school in nineteen seventy before continuing on to college and eventually working your way to an office job at age twenty one."

Constance looked at Russell with a vague expression.

"You want a medal?" she asked him of his detective work.

"You maintained that job for almost thirty years before leaving it in the late two thousands," Russell continued "two thousand seven to be exact, after that, you seemed to vanish, co-workers couldn't find you, no job record on file, no license renewal, what happened that year?"

"Mom died," Julie said, speaking for the first time since Russell re-entered the room.

Russell stared at her, remembering Julie having to leave Seattle to help Karen who did pass away that year. He remembered attending the funeral in Philadelphia, the only time he had visited there prior to his excursion with Julie two years ago.

"Damn Alzheimer's," Constance cursed the disease "she didn't know night from day let alone who I was, nor you."

She looked at Julie sadly.

"I thought for sure she would spill the beans then, but even with her brain melting, she still kept it a secret," Constance scoffed, impressed by this.

"So, what did you do after that?" Russell asked.

"I got around," Constance said coolly "I heard the pacific northwest is a nice place to live."

"You followed me?" Julie accused now.

"Well how the hell else was I supposed to know what you were doing?" Constance defended her actions "Karen and Patrick were my only link for years but once you got older, it got tougher track you, so I needed to be close."

Julie shook her head, wondering how she possibly could have missed someone trailing her for years.

Constance watched Julie, sensing her distress, knowing this was all her fault but relieved that the secret was now out.

"You're beautiful," she complimented Julie of how she had aged.

Julie didn't know how to take that remark. She had a million questions bouncing around in her head, but it would take days for her to get answers to them all.

"Well now that this little family reunion is done, I'd like to go back to my hotel now," Constance said beginning to stand up from the table.

"So that's it?" Julie snapped at her "you show up here, drop this bomb on me and then walk away?"

Constance stared at her daughter and said bluntly "Well I was going to call you tomorrow," as if this was just a simple get together.

Julie shook her head in disbelief.

"Lets uh, take this outside," Russell said, "or my office, someplace less, accusatory."

He chose his words carefully and both Julie and Constance shot him a look of annoyance so identical he felt a shiver run down his spine.

Constance insisted she did not want any special treatment, so they stayed in one of the side hallways of the police station. Julie felt awkward sitting next to her, with her flashy outfit and chunky bracelets. It was like looking into a mirror of what was in store for her in less than twenty years. She had to admit Constance was pretty. She carried herself with confidence as if she had the answers to everything and right now, she did.

"I suppose you want to "talk", Constance said making the air quotations with her fingers when she said the word talk.

"It would be nice," Julie bit back with equal sarcasm.

"Look, I wasn't some junkie," Constance said "I was sixteen and stupid, your father- Patrick, had access to the hospital so I could have you in a safe place, but my parents were angry SOB's, especially your grandfather, he was drunk every hour of the day, when he started hitting me, Patrick stepped in and took the blows until I finally found a place to stay with my friends after school."

"Why did you dump me at the church?" Julie asked sadly.

"Now that was your father's idea," Constance insisted "damn it, Patrick, why the hell do I keep saying that?"

"Fifty years of lying will do that to you," Julie reminded her coolly.

"You got my snark too," Constance said in what sounded like a proud tone.

"I wanted him to take you and raise you from day one," Constance continued her story, her eyes focused on the gold watch on her wrist "but he said no, his career was taking off, he was working, Karen was teaching, they weren't ready, he suggested the orphanage, at least they could be close to you I guess, I don't know what snapped in him but it wasn't until you were two and I came back to tell them I had finished school and was looking for work and I saw you clinging to that wretched woman and I knew, that hair, those eyes, the liars went back and adopted you when you were six months old, complete long shot you'd still be there but you were." We fought badly that day, I told them to keep you, you were better off there, I had no money, no prospects." But when I found that secretary job and got to go to college, I started saving money and it was easy so when you were five, I came back and offered to take you home and raise you, I was ready now, but by then, you were attached to them, too far gone from me and I fought with them again, Patrick set me straight, told me you were better off with them and I let you go but I was still angry, they refused to tell you who I really was, I'll never know why, why couldn't I just be some crazy aunt or cousin to you? It was never easy dealing with those two, they were so old fashioned and set in their ways."

She made a face of disgust at those memories then turned to Julie and asked, "Do you remember?"

She asked it in such a hopeful tone that when Julie wracked her brain for any memory of Constance, she felt bad for shaking her head no.

"You were little," Constance brushed it off but still sounded disappointed "after that I took to spying on you, when you were with Karen and Patrick, when you were playing with your friends, I was always careful to stay hidden but a part of me always hoped you'd see me."

Julie was fighting back tears now; she felt sorry for Constance, sorry for how her life had been, how she was forced to grow up so fast, forced to make terrible decisions at such a young age, left to fend for herself while her aunt and uncle passed themselves off as her parents. The thoughts of her childhood came flooding back to her, making her feel guilty for loving them, but how was she to know? She loved them, somehow, out of this bizarre arrangement, she got the care and love she needed. So, what was wrong with that?

"What's he like?" Julie asked now, thinking of another missing piece to this puzzle.

"Who?" Constance asked her.

"My real father." Julie said "who is he? What did he do? How did you meet him? Why did he leave? Did you even tell him you were pregnant?"

"Easy slugger," Constance said holding up her hands to slow Julie down but also using one of her childhood nicknames.

"He was eighteen," Constance began slowly "just as stupid as I was, but not stupid enough to avoid the draft, he got sent off to Vietnam before you were born, but he had visions of us as a family, he sent me letters when he could, I was careful to only mention you a few times but I didn't have any pictures to give him."

"Where is he now?" Julie asked.

"Arlington," Constance said sadly "I got the letter in nineteen seventy, killed in battle, awarded some medal but they gave it to his parents, not his whore of a girlfriend."

She rolled her eyes, obviously having heard that insult before. Julie felt a stabbing pain in her chest. No matter what the situation would have been, she never would have known her real father. She felt grateful for Patrick now. Having maybe a small fraction of her questions answered, Julie fell silent, soaking in all the information. She began to wonder if what she was hearing right now was even true which prompted her to say, "Are you lying to me?"

Constance looked at her with a confused gaze.

"I'm telling you things I haven't told anyone in fifty years," she reminded Julie "why would I lie when it's been in my head all this time?"

"How did you get my number?" Julie asked.

"Google, it's not a crime." Constance said rolling her eyes "I've told you the whole story now how much longer are we going to do this dance Cherie?"

She tended to take control of the conversation even though in Julies mind, she owed her a lifetime of stories and explanations.

"Why now?" she asked, her voice cracking with emotions "after fifty years? Why now?"

Constance did not know how to answer her and luckily for her, she didn't have to, at least for the moment.

"Jules?" Russell called out gently in case there was tension in the conversation.

"What?" she asked, wiping her eyes hastily with the back of her hand.

"Nick's here," Russell informed her, causing her to turn and look behind her where Russell was standing, and Nick was hovering back towards the corridor, waving gently at her but staying back in case she wasn't ready to talk to him. The pain in her chest at the sight of him, someone familiar and safe who had never lied to her in her entire time of being with him, ached so terribly she let out a tiny cry.

She rose from her chair, feeling her legs ache from sitting for so long, turning her back on Constance and Russell as she ran for Nick. When she reached him, she stopped just short of hugging him and said quietly "Hey," meekly.

"Hey," he whispered soothingly "Russell told me everything."

Julie tried to maintain her composure, but he saw her bottom lip tremble and her eyes fill with tears and that was it. She had fallen forward into his open arms, hiding her face in his chest, something she needed to do to feel safe when the world around her seemed like it was falling apart. He knew how to protect her, physically and emotionally, with simple gestures like holding her, rocking from side to side, making sure she had the privacy and security to cry and let out whatever emotions she had bottled up. While holding her, he glanced over at Russell and Julie's biological mother who looked eerily like her which should not have surprised him but it did because he did not expect this to happen this way. After several agonizing minutes of Julie's continuous sobs, which did not seem to be soothed by his comforts, he gently sat her forward so he could look her in the eyes.

"Tell me what you need me to do sweetheart," he tried to get some sort of response from her.

"I don't know," she cried piercing him with a look of exhaustion mixed with fear, a look he had not seen from her since she first awoke from the coma and was struggling with recovery. It was a painful expression of confusion and heartbreak.

"She- wants to go-back to her-hotel," Julie managed to choke out a full sentence to him "what if- she runs away again?" I still have- questions."

Nick looked past her at Constance again. She looked harmless enough.

"She can stay with us," Nick said to Julie, leaning his forehead against hers "for as long as she wants or as you want okay?"

Julie stared at him, keeping her forehead pressed against his, a soft comfort she would surely die without on her worst days.

"You're so good to me," she whispered pressing just a little bit closer to him.

"It's what I live for," he reminded her of his love and support during whatever crazy thing life decided to throw at them.

She managed a small smile as she stood on her toes to match his height, her forehead still pressed against his, savoring the moment they could get back to normal after this fiasco.

"Do you want to meet her?" Julie asked Nick now, reaching for both his hands to hold in hers, swinging them playfully.

Nick glanced nervously over her shoulder one more time at Constance.

"I would tell you she doesn't bite," Julie said, glancing back along with him, "but she does, just don't let her."

"If she's anything like you, I'm not surprised," he teased, and she pushed him playfully in annoyance before taking his hand again and pulling him with her to where Constance sat with Russell.

"Um," Julie said, unsure how to properly address Constance now that she knew the truth, "this is uh, my husband, Nick, he used to work here but he lives in San Diego now."

Constance stood up, her eyes lighting up the same way Julie's did as she addressed Nick.

"Hello," she greeted him with a handshake and a painfully obvious flirty tone "boy do us Finlay women know how to pick em or what?"

She winked at Nick and Julie let out a sigh, not even knowing her biological mother for a full day and she was already embarrassing her. This was going to be a long night.

TBC


	10. Chapter 10

Thirty minutes and a cigarette smoke filled car ride later, Julie and Nick returned home with Constance in tow. They had retrieved her belongings from one of the hotels down the block from PD and checked her out, so she was free to stay with them if she needed. As they walked through the door, Sam the German Shepard came bounding up to them. His large presence and low growl at the sight of a stranger in the foyer made Constance tremble and stare at the dog in fear.

"Hey Sammy," Julie soothed the dog, reaching down to pet him and calm him down.

"Nice dog," Constance murmured of the huge animal eyeing her with distrust.

"I would tell you he doesn't bite, but he does, so don't let him," Nick echoed Julie's words to him about Constance at the station.

"Hilarious," Constance scoffed, picking up on his sarcasm with ease.

Sam began to circle her and sniff at her feet and the luggage she had beside her.

"Let's put that in the spare room," Nick said helping to take the luggage down the hall.

Constance used the free time to wander the space, eyeing the living room filled with books and DVD's on the shelf. Photographs lined the walls, mostly ones of Julie and Nick but some contained various friends and that Russell character she dealt with at the station. There was tennis and baseball gear piled up in the corner of the living room.

"Who plays?" Constance asked of the sporting equipment.

"Me, mostly," Julie said, "but Nick does when he's in town."

Julie watched Constance continue her journey around the living room, stopping to look at certain photos and items longer than others. The largest photo that was framed over the fireplace was Nick and Julie's wedding photo. Constance stared at the pair, Nick in a full tuxedo, Julie dressed in a pink lacey dress, standing in some garden with flowers and a gazebo behind them.

"When was this?" Constance asked of the wedding.

"Little over a year ago," Julie said "April 2017."

"Your first one?" she asked to Julie's dismay.

"Third," Julie said, "shouldn't you know that if you tailed me in Seattle?"

"I missed some stuff," Constance admitted sheepishly "your tough to settle."

Julie didn't know if she meant for marriage or for illegally stalking for years.

"Are you hungry?" Julie asked, trying to change the subject.

"I'm good kiddo," Constance said hovering near the couch now "but I could really use a drink."

Constance found the beer in the fridge as Nick was returning from putting her luggage in the spare room. He glanced at Julie who could only shrug, unsure what to say or do.

"So, Connie," Nick tried to be friendly in the moment "how long have you been in Vegas?"

"Few days," she said after sipping the beer "had to work up the nerve to get myself arrested."

"You could have just called me," Julie tried to reason with her.

"Yeah right," Constance scoffed "one word out of my mouth about being your mother and you would have hung the phone up on me."

"Not necessarily," Julie said "I've been looking for you for years, ever since-

She paused, unsure how to safely discuss the reasons for her search, how to you casually talk about a serial killer to someone like Constance?

Julie sat down at the counter and said, "You still never told me why you decided to show up now after all this time."

"You're still hung up on that huh?" Constance said, rolling her eyes.

"She has a right to know," Nick defended Julie now.

Constance eyed him with a lethal gaze.

"Fine," she snapped with such similarity to Julie, Nick couldn't help but smirk.

"I suppose the guilt was catching up to me," Constance said, swirling the beer bottle around casually "I'm sixty six years old, not getting any younger mind you, Patrick and Karen have been gone so long, I guess I figured I owed it to someone to tell the truth before something happened to me and it died with me."

"Someone like me," Julie snapped sarcastically.

"Hey, it ain't easy, this lying, you try it," Constance snapped back.

"I don't want to fight," Julie said trying to calm herself down, but her emotions were running high.

"Well what do you want?" Constance asked leaning forward to stare at her.

"Your time," Julie said simply.

To ease the tension, Nick suggested they move to the couch to continue talking. Constance brought another beer with her and set on the end table. She crossed one leg over the other and adjusted the giant bracelets on her wrist. Julie watched her, wondering what her life could have turned out to be if she had been raised by this eccentric woman.

"Sorry for snapping at you," Constance said, the first sincere thing she had said all night "this wasn't how I wanted this to go."

"How did you expect it to go?" Julie asked.

"I wanted to talk to you in private," Constance said, "not in front of police and the whole damn world."

"And then what?" Julie asked.

"Tell you how sorry I am," Constance said, "sorry for how things turned out, sorry you were lied to for fifty years, and sorry I didn't have the nerve to speak up sooner."

Julie could not help but sympathize with her in this moment. Clearly this had been bothering her for years just as it had bothered Julie since the blood test her first year in college. They had more in common than eyes and freckles; they both felt like something had been missing for years.

"Now it's your turn to answer some questions missy," Constance said to Julie "why were you searching for me? How did you even know? Patrick and Karen took it to their graves."

"I knew for years something was wrong," Julie said, "we did blood tests when I was a freshman in college, I was nineteen, I confronted them, but they told me the test was wrong, that I must have made a mistake and they forbid me from asking ever again, I've been wondering ever since."

Constance let out a scoff and said, "Leave it to those idiots to raise a daughter smarter than them."

"How did you get a picture of the church?" Constance asked now, recalling the pictures the CSI had in the file in the interrogation room.

"A CSI from a Cyber crime unit in D.C discovered it on Paul Winthrop's computer," Julie said.

"Who the flying fuck is that?" Constance asked bluntly.

"Paul Winthrop is the Gig Harbor Killer," Julie said "he's the reason I started looking for you, he gave me this-

She pushed back her hair to reveal the scar on her forehead from the attack.

"Among other things" Julie added as Constance stared at the scar.

"He did that to you?" Constance asked, her eyes shining with tears.

"He hunted women for nine years," Julie explained "Russell and I tracked him in Seattle in two thousand nine, but he had a partner, Jared Briscoe, Winthrop's twin brother, Winthrop claimed he didn't know Briscoe even existed until after his crimes because the boys had been abandoned at a convent in Seattle and later adopted separately"

Constance eyed Julie as she regaled this story, shocked by the connection.

"Winthrop alluded us for years," Julie continued "he became a high profile attorney and defended Briscoe to get him out of jail, the bastards attacked and killed more women and before Russell and our team could stop him, he attacked me in my apartment, he hit me over and over until I passed out, he hit me so hard, it put me in a coma for a month, Russell got him and he's in jail, Briscoe died in a police shoot out earlier in the year so we all assumed Winthrop attacked me as revenge for that, but we were wrong."

Julie rummaged around for the case file on the coffee table now, showing Constance the picture of the convent in Philly.

"Winthrop figured out I had been adopted long before I did," Julie continued clutching the photo sadly "we don't know how, but the Cyber CSI found my records and this church, Saint Mary's, on his computer after he was caught, along with this photo"

She showed Constance a grimy Polaroid of Patrick and Karen holding Julie outside their suburban home with the date of September nineteen sixty-eight on the back. Constance snatched it and stared, mouth open, shocked.

"I've never seen this before," she said.

"Neither had I," Julie admitted "until Agent Ryan showed me, you know what this means right?"

Constance shook her head, but Julie had a hunch she was lying.

"It means Winthrop attacked me because he and I and his brother were all abandoned as infants and all adopted after being in the care of nuns," Julie said, "when you and Patrick left me on that convent porch, you made me a target."

She delivered that last morbid line with an icy tone. Constance looked at Nick who could only sigh and avoid her gaze, letting her know this was the truth.

"Well how was I supposed to know?" Constance snarled, outraged at the accusation "this is some sick stuff."

She tossed the Polaroid back on top of the case file in disgust.

"I'm not mad," Julie said, "I just wanted to know the truth, solve the case, have closure."

"I guess," Constance said shrugging and sipping the beer again.

They had reached a natural stopping point in the conversation. Julie did not know what else to say or ask in the moment. Constance seemed unphased by the news of the Gig Harbor Killer and the coma which nagged at Julie. She came so close to death because of her childhood abandonment and yet, no one seemed to care. Constance claimed she felt guilty for her actions that night but not for anything else that came because of that leaving Julie with a bitter pill to swallow; not all closure is satisfactory. Nevertheless, her mother was here. She had a second chance with a true family member, something she had not been able to connect with since Karen died.

"Did you love me?" Julie asked now, changing the tone so quickly, even Nick stared at her.

"What?" Constance asked, confused by such a bold statement.

"Did you love me?" Julie asked again.

"Of course I do," Constance said, using the present tense "it might not seem like it to you right now, but that night, I was desperate, I wanted you to be safe but I could not stand to be ridiculed and abused by my parents, but I was looking at you, you were so little, and Patrick was driving and when we pulled up to that church, I couldn't get out of that car, I just sat there, watching you, trying to find a better solution in the moment but there was nothing, so I let him take you so I wouldn't have to see it, coward that I was." I wanted you back the minute we drove away, but after finishing school, I realized you were better off, you wouldn't be who you are right now if it wasn't for them."

She looked at the photo of Patrick and Karen sadly.

"She wanted to be a mother so badly," Constance continued "it wasn't fair that she couldn't have kids when she had the heart and soul for them and I didn't, yet here I was popping one out."

"Why couldn't she have kids?" Julie asked.

"Some condition," Constance said waving her hand "fancy medical mumbo jumbo, she found out after she got married to Patrick, she thought he would hate her but he didn't, he was a real man, he had compassion and love at a time where husbands and wives were so- defined by their roles, it made me sick all that traditional BS, but not these two, I saw them, they both worked and they both took care of you, everything was equal."

Julie smiled, recalling Karen being a teacher and watching her father make dinner on nights when she couldn't. She never felt like they didn't love and respect each other and that eased the pain of their deceit just a little.

Constance continued to talk, telling Julie of the moments she spent spying on her and her family over the years. It was like having home movies, but ones that came from illegal stalking. She had to admit, Constance was smooth for never being seen or getting caught. As the night turned into the early morning, the pair continued to talk on the couch. Nick came and went, allowing them privacy as needed. Julie curled up with a pillow and lay back on the couch, exhausted but eager to keep talking and hearing about her life and Constance's.

"How did you know mom was sick?" Julie asked.

"I was still watching her and the house," Constance said "she would forget her purse or her lunch or something obscure and then it escalated to leaving doors and windows open, the TV on, the stove, it wasn't until her car accident that she called you, I know she hated doing that, she was so independent, just like you."

The sentiment made Julie smile and realize that Constance knew more about her than she assumed.

"What about dad?" Julie asked now, happy to have dropped the confusing switch between identifying her parents by their names versus what they meant to Julie.

"That was tougher to follow," Constance said "he was in the hospital for so long, the nurses only allowed family in to see him towards the end, eventually I cracked and told them I was his sister on the days I knew you and Karen wouldn't be popping in."

"Did he realize it was you?" Julie asked.

"Of course," Constance said "I thought he would be pissed that I showed up but he was happy, I think he and I made our peace those last few weeks, I promised him I wouldn't tell you anything unless the situation became dire and he died two days later, I think he needed that assurance from me so he could go peacefully you know?"

At this story, Julie couldn't help but cry. She was only twenty-eight in nineteen ninety-six when Patrick passed away; he was only fifty-three and she did not expect him to be gone so soon. It was right after she got the Seattle job, so she couldn't even rely on Russell for support just yet. She felt alone after losing both her parents so quickly. The cruel irony was that the abandonment happened the day she was born but she never really felt it until she was truly alone. And after losing Karen in oh seven, Mike divorced her in two thousand ten after the Cooley case and she was truly alone after that. After sniffling in silence for a few minutes, clutching the pillow she was holding tighter to her chest, Julie looked at Constance and said "I miss them" sadly.

Constance looked at Julie, hating to bring up old painful memories but knowing they needed to for closure.

"I miss them too," she admitted "they might have been old rigid people when I was sixteen, but I was stupid, I needed their stability and they put up with me and my shit for years, I miss arguing with them, as crazy as that sounds."

"Do you think they'd be happy to see us together?" Julie asked now because for years, she had no parental support in her life, aside from the scolding she got from Russell and the time she spent at their home in Seattle and Vegas. Despite being an adult, she still longed for that connection, that bond, someone she could call when good and bad things happened to her, and for years, that bond was non-existent.

"I hope so," Constance said, glancing nervously up at the ceiling as if someone or some higher power might come down and punish her for this.

"I thought you didn't like religion?" Julie asked, watching Constance's nervous glance.

"I don't," she insisted "but sometimes, I feel like someone's watching, just them nuns from school stuck in my head after all these years."

Julie saw her shiver at apparent memories from her time spent at Catholic school.

Silence fell between them again, until Nick entered the living room, having vacated the space some time ago.

"I let Sam out back to do his business one more time for the night," he told Julie who glanced at the clock and realized how late it was.

"Oh thanks," she said rubbing her eyes.

"I'm turning in for the night," Nick said motioning to the stairs "I had a long day at work before the last-minute flight."

Constance stared at the ground feeling guilty for causing the upheaval in their lives.

"I think I'll turn in too," she announced, standing up and collecting the beer bottles in haste.

"Are you okay in the spare room?" Julie asked, standing up to help her.

"I'll be fine, slugger," Constance said, using the nickname Julie had not heard in years but adored.

Julie smiled and let Constance go first, starting up the stairs and settling into the spare room before Julie turned to Nick.

"Everything okay?" he asked as they slipped into the master bedroom.

"I don't know," Julie said, "she seems sorry for what happened, but I don't know if I can trust her, I want another DNA test, one I get to see so I know the samples are right."

"We can do that tomorrow," Nick agreed, turning down the covers on the bed for them.

But Julie couldn't move from where she had collapsed on the edge of the bed, staring at the wall, exhausted but her head filled with questions and memories of her childhood and Patrick and Karen mixing together.

"Why would they lie to me?" she finally asked, turning to Nick "why would they do that to me Nicky?"

This was the question he dreaded but expected from the events and fallout from today.

"I don't know sweetheart," he tried to be soothing, embracing her "they loved you, they didn't want to tarnish what you had with them, I guess."

Because he really did not have the answer for her and it broke his heart.

"I was smart," Julie protested "I could have handled the truth."

"Parents do weird stuff babe," Nick reasoned "mine aren't perfect either, they think they are protecting us but sometimes it's not enough or too much."

"But everything I know feels like lies," Julie said "what if my name isn't even Julie? What if I would have turned out different, what if-

"Don't do this to yourself," Nick interrupted her, squeezing her tighter "you're over tired, you need to sleep, we can talk to Constance again tomorrow, get some more answers, do the DNA test and just take it slow okay?"

Julie knew he was right but settling down for bed was difficult. Her eyes burned from crying, her head spinning with questions and fears, her heart aching for something she could not identify. But Nick held her, turning off all the lights, throwing the room into darkness, allowing her to calm down slowly before she dozed into sleep at last.

More to come….


	11. Chapter 11

The scent of something burning woke Nick from the deep sleep he finally achieved. He glanced at the clock on the nightstand and noticed it was after eight in the morning. Julie was still asleep beside him and he didn't want to disturb her, but he needed to investigate the source of the burning smell. He remembered Constance was in the house and figured it had something to do with her, so he slowly eased his way out from the covers and Julie's aggressive snuggles before quietly slipping out of the bedroom.

Downstairs, he peeked around the corner from the hallway to the kitchen and spotted Constance pouring a cup of coffee for herself, the coffee maker was off, but the odor still lingered.

"Everything okay?" Nick asked making her jump, startled.

"Jesus Christ," Constance snapped, clutching her chest in fear "what the hell is wrong with you?"

"I smelled something burning," Nick said hitting the off switch on the coffee maker just to make sure it was indeed off.

"Excuse me," Constance said mock offended "this damn technology makes everything so hard."

She stirred sugar into her coffee now, brushing her hair out of her eyes. She had taken apart the messy updo she had worn all night and let her wavy hair fall. It was shorter but identical to Julies. He could not count the number of times he had witnessed Julie do the same hair sweep. Nick continued to watch her, wondering what to say next or if he should go back upstairs and be with Julie.

"Thanks for letting me crash your pad," Constance said bluntly now "I know this isn't easy for you to wrap your head around."

"It's been interesting," Nick admitted, pouring coffee for himself now "Jules' been looking for you for a long time."

"Did that psycho guy really put her in a coma?" Constance asked now.

"Yeah," Nick sighed, his heart aching at the memories of Julie in the hospital, seemingly lifeless, covered in bruises "we didn't know Winthrop was targeting her as a surrogate for himself until after we tracked down his biological mother, turns out she was a little off her rocker too."

"How so?" Constance asked.

"She killed her twins biological father whom she blamed for ruining her life," Nick explained "that's how we found her blood at the crime scene and matched it to the twins', the woman set fire to the guys old church and tried to kill herself inside it, Julie found her and rescued her knowing she was the only link we had to the case, she got burned pretty bad in that, when she was recovering, Agent Ryan told us about Winthrop's computer and the file with the church in Philly and the picture of Julie, and her mom and dad."

He paused and changed it to "Well, your brother and his wife," sipping the coffee, realizing how difficult and confusing this whole ordeal was.

Constance was debating what to say or ask next when she noticed Julie shuffle into the kitchen. Nick turned to her, set the coffee down and immediately embraced her. She looked exhausted as she buried her face in his chest.

"I had a terrible dream," she complained, her voice muffled as she described the dream to Nick, but Constance could not understand what she was saying until the very end "I woke up and couldn't find you."

"I'm sorry," Nick soothed her, "I had to come downstairs, I thought the place was on fire."

At this declaration, Julie lifted her head to stare at him in confusion as he nodded silently at Constance who sipped her coffee and turned her gaze away from them. Julie understood what he was alluding to and buried her face right back into his chest, still exhausted, head still buzzing from lack of sleep and the nightmare. Nick swayed with her, wishing he could tell her to go back to sleep but he knew she would refuse until she pumped Constance for more information. He knew she would fully wake up eventually, but that horrible state of intermediate sleep and wake the coma had caused her to experience, took its toll no matter how hard she fought it.

Constance did not want to stare but could not look away as she watched Nick comfort Julie. Despite everything, she had always hoped her daughter could find a better love than she had, or lack thereof. Now as she witnessed this tender moment, the way Nick held her, whispering whatever words soothed her, it was evident that he was everything Julie needed to feel safe in this world, and nothing Constance had ever been able to give her. Love was love and had she been allowed to raise Julie, maybe, just maybe she would have been spared the horrors of this Gig Harbor Killer fellow. Constance felt a new type of guilt, but she stifled it for Julie's sake. If Constance wanted to start over with Julie, today was the first step towards establishing any sort of trustworthy relationship with her.

After a few quiet minutes, Julie gathered herself and began to feel less foggy and more focused on her surroundings. The realness of the nightmare was fading, and Nick's sweet smile was more in focus to her now.

"Better?" he asked, sweeping her tangled hair back to look into her tired eyes.

"I think so," she said, holding on to his wrist as he continued to brush her hair back lovingly "thank you."

"Whatever you need sweetness," he reminded her of his support, pressing a gentle kiss to her forehead.

She smiled at the affection, leaning in to it like she did hours ago when they reunited at the station.

"Are you hungry?" Nick asked her after breaking the kiss "I can make breakfast for everyone."

He included Constance in that statement just in case Julie forgot.

"That sounds great," Julie said, relieved to have some sort of normal routine to look forward to "I think I'll get dressed and come back down so we can all talk some more."

She looked at Constance who smiled and couldn't help but reply with "Sure kiddo," in a gentle tone that was unlike her but mimicked Nick's.

After Julie retreated upstairs to change and Nick started to make breakfast, Constance spoke again.

"She's a sweet thing," she declared of Julie "she turned out to be a lot less of a hard ass than I did."

"Must be Karen's doing," Nick offered a suggestion as to where Julie inherited her soft nature from.

"Nah that's Patrick," Constance said, "guy was a big old softy, book smart, not street smart, except when he was getting between me and our father beating the shit out of us."

Nick winced at the imaginary horrors he envisioned Constance and her brother enduring at the hands of their father and eternally grateful that Julie never fell victim to that violence.

"You are amazing with her," Constance praised him now "she melts when she's with you, I've been here one night, and I see it, you're so good to her and me- I can't thank you enough for giving her what I couldn't."

She looked sad now, staring into the empty coffee mug.

"Listen," Nick said "you had it rough, I know you wanted to raise her but life, well, life sucks sometimes, she was safe and loved like a normal little kid, she just felt, alone after losing Karen and Patrick, she never expected to find out she was adopted, let alone find out you were alive, she's endured a lot by herself, I think this just throws her because she's used to bad stuff, but now, she doesn't have to go at it alone."

Constance squinted at Nick, as if trying to read him despite the revelation he dropped.

"That coma business," she asked now "did that mess with her head?"

"A little," Nick admitted sadly "she gets these massive headaches sometimes, she gets tired really easy, has a hard time waking up as you just saw, but she's still the same person she was before, I can promise you that."

"Good," Constance said standing up now and waltzing over to the other side of the counter where Nick was preparing breakfast.

"Want help?" she offered "I make a mean Texas omelet."

Nick could only smile, wondering what sort of shenanigans Constance had gotten up to if she really did visit his home state of Texas.

"I'll bet you do," was all he could say as he slid over and let her pick up the spatula and frying pan.

When Julie was dressed and feeling more awake and alert, she returned to the kitchen where Nick and Constance were tending to something on the stove together.

"The secret is to let it cook just enough on each side, so you don't burn it, but it gets a little golden brown," Constance was apparently explaining how best to cook eggs.

"You guys need to go on Elite Chef," Julie teased when she saw them bonding so quickly.

"Yeah right," Constance scoffed at the suggestion "where do you think I learned this from?"

She winked at Julie who chimed back with "You watch that show?" I love that show!"

Constance could only smile, surprised at the odd things they discovered they had in common in just one day of knowing each other. Of course, Constance knew better. She had seen Julie fight with boys in her middle school the way she used to, had seen her crash her bike and get right back up and ride again, like Constance did after an accident when she was ten, witnessed her doing cartwheels in her backyard the way Constance used to do when she was little.

"Me too slugger," she replied after being silent for too long "Is it okay if I call you that?"

"Daddy used to," Julie said, sitting down at the counter as Nick presented her with a plate of food. She got lost in those memories and felt her heart twinge with an unexpected surge of affection.

"Yeah he did," Constance said recalling all the times she had spied on the family, whenever Julie succeeded at something, Patrick would praise her with that nickname.

"I like it," Julie said after taking a bite of the omelet but also referring to the nickname.

"What would you like us to call you?" Julie asked having avoided using any name or term.

"Eh whatever you want," Constance said, "I don't expect you to call me mom, Karen was mom and that's okay, Constance or Connie, whatever."

Julie nodded and continued to pick at her breakfast while Nick and Constance sat down at the counter with her to indulge in their omelets.

After Julie finished her entire plate of food, feeling properly hungry for the first time in hours, she gently pushed her plate to the side, looked at Constance and said very professional in her tone "I want some ground rules."

"All right," Constance agreed quietly, wondering what was coming next.

"First, I want you to promise me that you won't lie about anything you say to me, ever again," Julie began "I want full and total honesty, I've spent enough years of my life wondering what the truth is, I don't want that anymore."

"Fair enough," Constance agreed.

"Second," Julie continued "I want you to get another DNA test with me at the lab today, I want to see it from start to finish so I know it's the truth."

"As long as they don't shove me in an interrogation room again," Constance bargained.

"They won't," Julie assured her "and third-

She took a deep breath and let it out before saying "I want you close to me, to us, wherever you're living now, I want you to forget about it and stay here with me in Vegas, and if you can't do that just yet, I want you to promise me you won't run off and leave me again, we worked too hard to find you, I can't lose you again."

She was quite emotional despite only knowing Constance for one day. And she knew they would not be the best of friends right away, but Julie was willing to try and make amends and be in her life and having her stay in Vegas seemed like the easiest way to do that.

"Well I have a place in Philly," Constance said, "but I can make some arrangements, hang out here in Vegas a little while longer, assuming there are no charges against me?" 

Julie winced, having forgotten that Constance "attacked" an officer and even though it was a ruse, the spitting and hitting had been very real.

"I'll talk to the undersheriff," Julie said thinking of Ecklie "I think he will understand given the situation."

"Friends in high places," Constance marveled of her daughters' connections and casually name dropping of a sheriff in the department.

"It's no big deal," Julie said shrugging, "you didn't answer my third thing, will you promise not to run away or leave me again?"

Constance eyed her, this kid drove a hard bargain. After running and moving around so much in fifty years, it would be nice to stay settled in one place.

"All right," she agreed "I promise I won't split on you guys."

"Thank you," Julie concluded her requests, finally starting to feel like they were making progress.

More awaits…


	12. Chapter 12

After cleaning up the breakfast dishes, the trio embarked back to the lab. Julie had called ahead asking for the DNA test to be set up and managed by Henry. Russell was waiting for them when they arrived.

"You again?" Constance scoffed when she saw him.

"He's on our side, I promise you," Julie informed her, chalking up her distrust of Russell to the awkward way in which they had met.

Constance eyed Russell as they proceeded down the hall and into Henry's lab. Henry had been given a brief rundown of the night's events by Russell, but that still didn't stop him from staring at Constance with interest. He had seen the video from Hodges of her wreaking havoc at PD. Now seeing her this calm and finding out she was Julie's mother just seemed chaotic in his mind. Nevertheless, he was professional as he took saliva swabs from both Constance and Julie, offering Julie a look of sympathy at having to put her through this. But Julie wanted the truth, and this was the only way to get it.

"I'm going to run the full profile," Henry explained "should take a few hours but you kind of already know your answer so-

He trailed off, beginning to set the samples, unable to shake the urge to stare at Constance, admiring how much she looked like Julie and how this DNA test was probably pointless when it was so obvious they were related.

Constance turned to Julie and said, "What are we supposed to do until then?"

Julie mulled over ideas in her head before settling on one.

"I want you to meet the rest of my friends" she declared happily.

Julie, Nick and Russell traipsed down the hall to the breakrooms where Sara, Greg, Morgan and Hodges were hanging out, either coming off or on a shift depending on the day. When the foursome entered the room, eyes stared with interest. Everyone recognized Constance from the video but were sharing confused looks as to why she was here.

"Hey guys," Julie greeted them "listen, I wanted you to meet someone, you probably remember from last night, but this is Constance, she's my mother."

Those words sounded odd coming out of her mouth when, for years, she had no parental units to speak of in conversation.

Hodges, in his overdramatic fashion, nearly choked on whatever drink he had been sipping prior to them entering.

"But-she-the video-how?" he stammered.

"It's complicated," Julie admitted "remember we were trying to find her after Winthrop figured out I had been adopted? Well Karen and Patrick, the two who raised me, were my aunt and uncle, Patrick is Constance's brother, they rescued me from the orphanage after leaving me there six months prior, they never told me because, well, I don't know why but, she found me, she had been watching me for years off and on and that's why she was at PD last night."

"You were not really drunk," Sara said, catching on quicker than everyone else.

"Guilty," Constance said feeling awkward around this odd group of people.

"She didn't know how to get to me," Julie explained "but we sorted it out."

"Have you done a DNA test?" Morgan asked.

"Russell had one done in a rush so Henry's working on a proper one now," Julie said, glancing at Constance who tucked strands of her hair behind her ear the same way Julie did, "but we pretty much have our answer"

"Where have you been all these years?" Sara asked, "Finn's been looking for you for a while."

Constance looked at Julie who nodded in approval of the retelling of their story.

"Gather round kids," Constance said in mock amusement "it's story time."

Constance and Julie retold the whole story, filling in the gaps in each other lives as needed. Julie had been searching for these answers for so long and the team had worked the Gig Harbor Killer case alongside her, so they deserved an explanation and she wanted them to know what they had finally figured out. As shifts began and case follow ups were needed, the team dispersed, leaving Nick, Julie, Russell and Constance alone again. Waiting here at the lab all day for any news of the test results seemed silly, but Julie wanted to be close, so she could have the answer as soon as possible. They watched TV on the wall mounted screen, snacked on vending machine snacks and played card games to kill time. Russell had to step away to take care of something but when he returned, he noticed Julie sitting outside the break room, staring into it while Constance started up a card came with Hodges and Nick.

"What's up?" Russell asked her, sensing distress.

"Nothing," she murmured tiredly "just taking a break, getting some air, any news from Henry?"

"Nothing yet," Russell said, taking a seat beside her in one of the lobby style chairs.

He watched her with interest, wondering what was going through her mind. He knew she had not slept well, the heavy gaze she held all morning told him so.

"Did you find out anything else from Constance last night?" he finally dared to ask.

"Yeah," she replied in that tone that suggested she was mildly annoyed "more than I bargained for."

She crossed her arms, staring ahead at the trio playing cards, Nick was grinning at whatever hand of cards he had been dealt, while Hodges appeared lost in thought over his hand. Constance held her poker face and showed no emotion except for a slight twinge of her lip that Julie noticed before she lay her cards down on the table, smirking in triumph as she collected her "winnings" from the pile having bested the boys with her lucky combination of cards.

"She's so, tough," Julie tried to summarize Constance in one word "she clearly doesn't need any help getting by in life, yet here she is, wanting to include me in her life now, after fifty years, I keep asking her why and she doesn't give me an answer, what do you think?"

She turned to Russell, looking at him properly now, valuing his opinion.

"I don't know Jules," he said, "sometimes guilt just eats at you until you can't stand it any longer and you have to act to fix it or attempt to make it right, it's just human nature."

Julie nodded, accepting that answer because it came from him and he was usually right, even if he drove her crazy.

"There's some odd stuff I don't understand," Julie continued "when I did my blood test in college, it showed no match to Karen or Patrick, but, he's my uncle, so wouldn't there have been some sort of markers in common?"

"Well forgive me Jules," Russell began "but you were only in your first year of college, maybe the test was wrong, if it showed a relation to Patrick but not to Karen back then, what would you have done?"

"Screamed my head off until they gave me answers," Julie answered truthfully, knowing they would not have been able to explain only a partial match in blood type and realizing now that maybe it was for the best that she had done the test incorrectly, it spared them all more pain.

"How did you know?" Julie asked now, another question that had been nagging at her all night, "how did you know to test Constance at the station? For all you knew, she was just another D and D, and we hadn't looked at that case file in two years, what made you think to run DNA?"

"She said something to me," Russell reminded her of what he described last night but figured she had forgotten in all the chaos "it was so simple and yet, so, you."

He got lost in the memory of last night, the tone, the sass of Constance. Then he thought back to Julie, all the times she got snarky with him in Seattle and in Vegas, her tone echoing in his ears, it was a self-righteous attitude many detested but one he could not live without.

"You know I'm right," he echoed the sacred phrase out loud to her.

"Excuse me?" Julie asked, feeling like she missed a step in his thought process.

"That's what Connie told me last night," Russell said, "that's why I had her tested, you are the only one who ever speaks to me like that or dares to at least."

Julie gave him a look but was impressed with his skills.

"Well thanks," she mumbled "I mean, she was going to find me one way or another, but you picked up on it and saved her fifty steps."

They watched again as Constance won her second round of cards, this time not even bothering to hide her poker face as she lay her winning cards on the table.

"Did she say anything about Patrick and Karen?" Russell asked now.

"Yeah," Julie said "some good stuff, some bad stuff, it sounds like she had a love/hate relationship with them. She was mad that they went behind her back to adopt me but was grateful they did so she could still be part of my life in her own strange way."

She paused, taking in all the possible ramifications of her life had she been under Constance's guise. Maybe she would be good at poker and drinking but not much else. She would not have followed the science path like Patrick. She didn't have the nerve to become a doctor, but the world of forensics appealed to her after a lecture her sophomore year. She shivered, imagining a world in which she never found that job listing in Seattle, never moved there, took up friendships with Russell and her team. She would not have gotten involved with the Cooley case and lost her job which caused her to end up in Vegas where Nick was her saving grace. However, she probably would not have been targeted by the Gig Harbor Killer and therefore the coma would have been nonexistent. Now she was torn about her life. Had these lies spared her from a worse fate?

Julie became aware of Russell speaking to her again, something about Seattle.

"When I first hired you, I remember how excited Patrick and Karen were for you to start the new job," he recalled.

"Yeah that was what ninety-four?" Julie recalled the year.

"Yeah," Russell said, "do you think Constance was watching you back then?"

"She claims she was able to follow me until they died," Julie said, crossing her arms against her chest. She wracked her brain, wondering if there was a clue she missed back then…

 _Summer 1996_

This was the cleanest hospital Julie had ever been in; she couldn't help but marvel as she rode the elevator up with her mother to the fifth floor. Oncology was a terrifying place to be. The entire mood of the floor depended on each patient and each patients progress or setbacks for the day. Today, the staff greeted them with neutral tones. Having spent most of her life with the various staff members of University hospital, she was familiar with the ins and outs of the place. This was her fathers stomping ground, his home away from home, the place where he made a living and hopefully a difference to patients he handled. His office had been cleaned out last week, a final blow to his already dying soul. Now they were here for their usual daily visits, given seniority by the staff to visit whenever they wanted considering who they were related to.

Karen and Julie entered the private hospital room where Patrick lay asleep in his bed. The TV was on, tuned to the local news but the volume lowered. A nurse was just finishing her report for the morning.

"Any change?" Karen asked like she had been for months, already knowing the answer.

"He had more of an appetite today," the nurse reported "ate all of his breakfast."

"I'm surprised considering he knows where the food comes from around here," Karen replied in what was supposed to be a joke but did not sound that way to Julie.

"I'll give you guys some privacy," the nurse said as she vacated the room.

Karen sat in her usual seat against the wall while Julie hovered momentarily before taking her seat beside the bed. The entire last year had been a myriad of tests, hospital stays, various other medical things. Julie did not even have to speak for five minutes before her boss Russell was allowing her time off to spend with Patrick before his predicted demise. When the doctors said a few weeks, Julie didn't believe them until Patrick sat with her and explained the X-rays and blood results, the cancer was spreading, and his blood cells could no longer fight. While here, she was half tempted to steal the lab results and compare them once again to figure out the infamous blood test from her college years but considering how sick Patrick was, she couldn't bear to bring herself to tarnish the memory of him with more unnecessary drama. Plus, Karen would murder her on the spot if she brought it up again.

"Thank God," Patrick's low voice grumbled from the bed "I thought she would never leave."

"You were fake sleeping again," Karen sighed in annoyance "you know they just want to help."

"There's no help for a dying man and they know it," Patrick quipped back.

Despite the grim prognosis, he had not lost his lust for life. In fact, he seemed almost fearless in the last few months, using sarcasm to make them forget what he was going through. Julie didn't know if she should be concerned or enjoy the moment. She tended to stay silent and let her parents' banter in peace, whatever was left for them at this point. It wasn't until she heard her name did she pay attention.

"Julie be a dear and turn up that TV," Patrick asked of her which she did quietly, reaching for the remote and cranking the volume to a nine.

"How can you spend time wallowing in this nonsense?" Karen asked Patrick of the morbid story on the news of a shooting in the city.

"It keeps me humble dear," Patrick said, "I have assisted in so many procedures caused by violence, it's ironic that death will be so, anti-climactic for me."

"Why the hell are you talking like this?" Julie finally snapped, her frustration unleashed "you're dying, you shouldn't be so, so, happy about it!"

"Don't use that tone," Karen snapped at her.

"Well excuse me but I just can't take it anymore!" Julie snapped "you both drag me here to sit and talk about horrible things all day long, what am I supposed to think?"

She had to end her rant at that moment because tears had filled her eyes. She hated crying, but this situation was too bizarre. He was only fifty-three years old, he should not be leaving this Earth so soon. And for her mother to be so brazen with her emotions, it confused her. Didn't anyone say what they felt anymore? She sniffled and crossed her arms, leaning back in the chair while snapping "Forget it" and falling silent.

"Princess," Patrick tried to soothe her with an old nickname "we know this seems cruel, but I've had a good life, I helped a lot of patients just like me for years, and sometimes, they just want some dignity and some sense of normalcy, what would you want?"

"Patrick," Karen warned him of the nature of the conversation he was about to have.

"I don't know," Julie sniffled "I guess, I guess I'd want to be treated like normal too."

"And you know I have it all set up, so you and your mom will have enough money to keep living off when you need it," Patrick explained "I've settled all my debts, I've said my goodbyes, I feel, at peace."

"What if I'm not?" Julie choked out, feeling like she was losing control.

Because to her, at twenty-eight years old, dying seemed so horrible. Her youth blinded her to the horrors of the world. Most people her age were fearless, but she lived with a reckless mind that had only just begun to grasp the horrors of society in the field work she dealt with as a CSI. She saw people after death in the worst of ways, and now, she was about to witness that with Patrick and she was not ready for it.

Patrick must have realized how painful this was going to be for her and realized he was indeed hiding his fears of death behind sarcasm and comic relief. Truth be told, he did not feel much pain anymore, it was as if he was experiencing a small moment of bliss and good health while inside he was being eaten alive by cancer.

Julie had curled up in the chair, waiting for a response or something to happen to give her assurance that her fears were justified. Patrick weakly reached out for her, raising his arms as far as they could go indicating he wanted her close to him. Julie abandoned the chair and headed right for the bed, climbing in beside him and crying harder than she wanted to in the moment.

"I'm sorry," she sobbed but for what she did not know, the inability to endure this agony, the failure to be able to save him when he had taken care of her for years, the lack of strength she possessed right now while he was the sick one comforting and holding her.

"It'll be okay baby," Patrick soothed her "I promise, you are going to have a wonderful life, you have a great career, you're helping people in a way I couldn't, you gotta keep going okay? Don't let the world make your heart hard, stay soft my love."

"I'll try," she whimpered, feeling a hand on her head now.

Karen had come around and placed her hand there as a secondary comfort they all so desperately needed and wanted in the moment. While Julie cried, and Karen stroked her hair, Patrick stole a glance at the hospital hallway he could see from his room. Nurses and doctors came and went all day long, so he was used to traffic but today, a nurse lingered outside the room watching the family interact. Patrick smiled when he saw her, her blonde curls cascading down her shoulders as her eyes filled with tears. She raised her hand to the glass window and lay it flat against it. Patrick raised his arm weakly again and waved at her with two fingers, the most he could muster now that comforting Julie had drained him. Constance knew not to linger, someone would surely see her if she did. That was all Patrick needed to do to remind her of what was at stake if she remained too close. With her silent goodbye complete, she turned and vacated the hallway, removing the badge she stole from the front desk and tossing it in the garbage as she exited the hospital in tears.

 _Fall 2007_

It was a cruel irony to be surrounded by so much sterile white while just outside the window, colors of autumn were in full supply; oranges, reds, brown hues all darting across the landscape. Yet here in this long-term care facility, Julie sat, for hours on end, only leaving when the sweet relief of sleep took over. She had paid extra to have her mother transferred here less than a year ago, which Karen fought tooth and nail. Leaving the suburbs, the home she shared with Patrick for years, her school, leaving all of that behind crushed her, but when she got in that car accident, she knew it was time. Julie had offered to move back home to help so she was back to living in the house she grew up in, making the daily trip to this assisted living facility to be with her mother as often as she could. Being back home made her think of her childhood, of missing her father, of the life the three of them shared. Julie was grateful for those memories because now, Karen could not even give her the time of day. The brain was an interesting part of the body. It could destroy someone in less than five years after a diagnosis while the heart continued to keep them alive, physically at least. Julie hated thinking this way but after what her father told her on his death bed and all the death she had been surrounded by in fifteen years, she could no longer break away from the crippling hold it had on her. When Julie finished reading a chapter out loud, she glanced up to see if Karen took any interest in what she just recited only to receive the same blank, emotionless stare she had been subjected to for months. Julie sighed, marking the end of the chapter with her bookmark and closing it.

"I think she hears you," a soft voice from the door spoke.

"Yeah?" Julie questioned "what good will it do?" She doesn't even know who I am."

"I think she does," Russell said in that same tone that was supposed to be comforting but was starting to annoy her.

Julie shrugged, unable to answer him without her voice cracking with emotion. What else could she say to the man who had crossed the country to visit her and her dying mother? How many people had a boss like that?

"If you want to go home and sleep, I can stay with her." Russell offered.

"Mike will be back soon," Julie said of her husband who was currently out picking up groceries for them to restock at the house. They did not intend to stay this long but Karen was a fighter and hanging on with every breath. Julie did not wish death on anyone, but sometimes, she thought death would be easier than this. She sniffled, hating herself again for thinking so morbidly. Russell had offered them both paid sabbaticals, so money was not an issue. But Karen was suffering. When she wasn't half asleep, she was yelling nonsense at them, demanding things she couldn't have, asking about people who had been dead for years, begging them to let her out. It broke Julie's heart to see this once vibrant healthy woman waste away here.

Karen letting out a gasp for air made Julie jump and launch herself at the side of the bed in a panic, but this was how she awakened from one of her trances as of late. The doctor mentioned some fluid building up in her lungs but there was nothing they could do for her at this point. Just like with her father, they were awaiting the inevitable death. When Karen focused on Julie, she spoke for the first time in hours.

"Your father will be home any minute and this place is a mess," she uttered.

"I'll clean up, I promise," Julie tried to soothe her knowing full well this was the delusional state she slipped in and out of daily.

"What time is Julie getting home from school?" Karen asked now.

"Mom it's me, I'm Julie," she tried to make her understand, but she knew it was hopeless.

"You should have called first," Karen scolded her before closing her eyes again.

Julie hung her head, unsure how much more of this she could take. Just like with her father, there was nothing she could do to save the person who raised her. Russell watched Julie lay her head on the mattress and fold her hands over her head like a bizarre form of praying. He started to back out of the room to give her privacy, but she spoke to him.

"I'm a terrible person," she sobbed.

"No, you're not," he assured her.

"I don't want her to suffer anymore," Julie sobbed "but she's still here, she wants to live but is this really living?"

"Jules its complicated," Russell reminded her, his heart breaking.

"When she's gone, I'm an orphan," Julie explained "it sounds stupid but it's true, they were my only family, I don't have anyone else after her."

"That's not true," Russell said, "Mike's here, you have me and Barbara, the kids, the team, we're your family, whether you like it or not."

She managed a small smile, but her heart still felt achy. She was the last in her genetic pool. There were no siblings, no aunts or uncles, no cousins. It pained her to know this information and not be able to do anything about it.

A nurse making the rounds for the evening had to inform them of shift changes and bed checks. Julie sat up from the bed, wiping her eyes and gathering her belongings.

"I'll be back tomorrow, I promise," she whispered to her mother, kissing the top of her head gently.

Russell guided her out of the room as the nurse and her co worker began to check Karen's vitals. Constance waited until the hallway was clear before joining the nurses in the room. She carried fresh bed sheets and some towels for the cabinets. The other nurses only saw her on occasion when she worked part time, but they did not know who she really was. Constance waited for them to leave, stocking the cabinets at a slow pace to give herself more time. When she was alone with Karen at last, she sat beside her like Julie had done moments ago.

"I kept my promise," she whispered to Karen whose lifeless eyes held no indication that she recognized Constance.

"You fought hard," she continued "I'm so sorry this happened to you, but I'm here, and I'll keep watching out for her, I promise you that."

To Constance's surprise, Karen reached up with a weak arm and pointed at something on the nightstand. Constance glanced around, wondering what she wanted when her eyes landed on the picture of Patrick, Karen and Julie that had been placed there months ago as a sentiment for what good it would do. Constance picked it up and gave it to Karen who placed it across her chest.

"That's right," Constance said, her eyes filling with tears, "that's your family."

As much as she wanted to linger in this moment of recollection, she heard the nurses walking back from down the hallway. She quickly sat up and returned to the cabinet, closing it quickly before making her way back to the door. She stole one last glance at Karen; all her hatred for her vanishing within the last few months of her sneaking up here to see her. She had done right by Julie and Patrick and that was all that mattered. Karen continued to stare at her as she hovered in the doorway and Constance knew, she was in there somewhere, but this was the end, just like with Patrick. Constance gave her a sad wave like she had for her brother, but it was enough to bring closure between them. She exited before any of the nurses caught her.

Present Day

"Jules I'm so sorry," Russell comforted her with his hand on her shoulder as she sniffled over reliving the deaths of Patrick and Karen.

"I was alone for all those years and she knew," Julie realized now of Constance's spying "and now, she's older, she might not live much longer, I don't know if I can handle losing her, I barely know her but at the same time, she's the only family connection I have, this is so messed up."

She buried her face in her hands, hating this push and pull of mixed up emotions the last twenty-four hours had thrown at her.

"Listen," Russell offered her now "you got the answers you wanted, you closed the Gig Harbor case for good now, all that's left is for you to get to know Connie, let her in your life a little at a time, that's all she wants and that's what you need."

Julie nodded, knowing this was true but coming to terms with it also meant realizing how similar Constance was to May Winthrop; both women abandoned children at places of religion, both grew up around violence, both lived secret lives for years, but Constance was different, she came back, she repented, she wants to be whole again. And if it was true, Constance loved Julie where May Winthrop did not love her sons enough to fight for them.

Julie looked at Russell now, realizing if he hadn't intercepted Constance last night, she might have found out the truth in a worse way.

"Thanks for uh, you know, figuring out who she was," Julie said, "who knows what she would have done if she had been able to carry out her original plan."

"We were in this search together," Russell reminded her "I wasn't going to give up until you got your answers."

This was a mark of their friendship; he knew she needed closure to move on. They sat in silence for a moment until they heard the shuffling of footsteps close by. Henry had returned, clutching a file folder and looking nervous.

"Hey sorry to interrupt," he began, sensing the sadness that surrounded Julie "but I got the results."

Julie rose from the chair, feeling her legs shake. Henry handed Julie the file folder to read for herself. The printed results showed the large spike in both sheets, the DNA profile on Constance and the DNA profile for Julie were perfect matches in common. It was everything she expected yet it still made her heart race.

"Thanks Henry," she choked out, patting his shoulder affectionately before clutching the file to her chest.

Henry nodded in understanding, happy to have provided her with the answer she so desperately wanted, before walking away to let her have her privacy. Julie re-entered the breakroom where Constance had thrown down her cards in another victory making Hodges' face twitch in shock while Nick could only sigh, relieved they were not playing for real money. When Nick saw Julie enter holding the casefile, he knew what was happening.

"Henry got the results?" Nick asked, and she nodded.

Constance's smile faded slightly as she saw the look of concern on Julie's face.

"We'll wait outside," Nick said, motioning to Hodges to follow him out of the room.

Alone with just Constance now, Julie sat down across from her at the table. She was shuffling the deck of cards absentmindedly.

"Your husbands pretty good at this," Constance said of the game "that scrawny little lab fellow, not so much, but he's a riot so I didn't mind letting him play."

She seemed to be avoiding discussing the file in Julie's hand at first but then-

"So, I suppose you got your answer," she inquired "it's like I told you, isn't it?"

"Yes," Julie confirmed at last.

"Good, now we can stop messing around and move on with our lives," Constance said, beginning to deal out new piles of cards.

"Just like that huh?" Julie asked of her "no talking, no questions, just denial and move on?"

"I didn't say anything about denial," Constance bit back "I just think it's silly to dwell on what already happened, I made a mistake, I found you to make it right, we're all talking now, it's done."

Julie did not understand this blatant casual tossing aside of her life. Her entire world had been thrown into chaos. Everything she thought she knew to be true had been twisted around. She felt like Constance owed her more but at the same time, she realized there really wasn't anything else that could be said or done to fix anything.

"I don't know how to get used to this," Julie began "this changes everything about my life and my history, but I think I know what I want, what we both want."

"You tell me super sleuth," Constance played along.

"I never felt like I fit in," Julie continued "anywhere I went, fitting in with a group was always tough, people were nice and I had friends but I always felt like I had to try much harder to get acceptance than others, Seattle was great but then, when I came here to Vegas, I finally felt like I belonged, here with Nick and Russell, all my friends, this is my safe place, and if I'm right, I think you wanted the same thing for years and if you'll let me, I promise we can both fit in here, this can be _our_ family, if you want."

She stopped talking, feeling hopeful but also nervous that Constance would reject her and everything she stood for and offered her. Constance stopped shuffling the cards, mulling it all over in her head. Only one question lingered on her mind regarding the camaraderie she was being offered.

"Hodges too?" she asked squinting out the window of the break room where the lab tech was practicing some sort of card game with a new deck of cards he procured from somewhere.

Julie grinned at Hodges and the question, realizing this was Constance accepting her offer on her terms.

"Yeah, Hodges too," she replied, a warm sense of relief spreading through her, reaching her heart and igniting it with a flicker of hope for their future.

TBC (Last chapter coming up, I promise)


	13. Chapter 13

After spending almost an entire day at work doing nothing but wait around for the DNA test results, Julie, Nick and Constance returned home. It was another awkward, yet shorter car ride this time with no smoke filling the vehicle. Constance was quiet, staring out the window at the scenery going by. Julie was also quiet, having nothing to add in the moment but was undoubtably questioning the events of the last twenty-four hours still. Nick was worried about them both. A quiet Julie Finlay was unnatural, while the unpredictable moody Constance added to the mix of emotions running high since last night. No sooner had they entered the foyer of the house when Constance turned to them and said enthusiastically "Whose hungry?"

Julie shrugged, not sure if what she felt was hunger or not. Nick smiled and said, "We can order Chinese takeout or pizza or something."

"Nah," Constance said waving her hand at him "I want to cook for you both, as a thank you for everything I've been putting you through, please?"

Julie looked at Nick, unsure if she trusted Constance's kitchen skills after the burning coffee maker this morning but she remembered breakfast and how cooking seemed to make things less awkward, so she agreed with a silent shrug to Nick who nodded.

"All right," he said "do you have everything you need? What can we do to help?"

"Don't you worry about anything," Constance assured them "I snooped through your cabinets and pantry while you were all asleep this morning, I know what I'm doing, go relax, chill out, you deserve a break."

She continued to wave at them, motioning for them to vacate the area so she could work. Nick guided Julie into the living room where Sam awaited them, chewing lazily on one of his toys.

"Do you think she's up to something?" Julie whispered to Nick as they sat on the couch, peering anxiously over his shoulder into the kitchen.

"I think she's just being nice," Nick reasoned with her.

"I hate this," Julie snapped, bouncing her leg up and down anxiously, "not knowing if I can trust her still."

"Well this is one way to find out," Nick said, glancing back at the kitchen where Constance already had a pot of water set to boil on the stove.

It didn't take long for smells of food to fill the kitchen and living room area. Constance wouldn't tell them what she was cooking, and they didn't want to spy on her, so Nick and Julie stayed in the living room, watching random things on TV to unwind. Constance observed them, sharing the same reclining arm chair, laying as close to each other as physically possible, sharing one blanket, Julie playing with her phone, showing Nick pictures or something on it that was making them both laugh. Watching people was her strong suit and she couldn't help but smile whenever Julie got lost in playing with her phone, distracted, Nick sneaking kisses on her forehead that made her smile more. When Constance turned to stir her half-finished meal on the stove, she heard a loud shriek followed by laughter from Julie who was trapped in a tickle fight with Nick. Constance shook her head, smiling again at their silliness and closeness that seemed to transcend the terrible things she had put them through in the last day and a half. It was nice to see that Julie was just as playful now as she was as a child with her friends and in the moments, Constance spent spying on her. She hated having to turn away to focus on the meal she was making but she could hear them chatting again casually and laughing at whatever was on TV.

The meal was complete in under an hour. Constance set the counter space with plates and silverware, glasses, wine and napkins.

"Dinner is served," she announced as she stood between the kitchen and living room to get Nick and Julie's attention. They reluctantly abandoned the comfy couch to see what Constance had prepared for them. On the stove was a full pot of spaghetti, smothered in sauce with a bowl of salad on the table and full glasses of wine. Julie looked at Nick who wore an impressed expression as he eyed the nicely prepared meal and table in front of them.

The three of them sat down to eat, staying mostly silent as they did, savoring the meal and how good it tasted.

"First breakfast and now Italian, how did you learn how to cook so well?" Nick asked breaking the silence.

"I worked in a hotel for a while," Constance explained "the chef there was really nice and took pity on me when he saw me living off sandwiches for months."

Nick nodded, still impressed by this woman and her myriad of jobs and experiences. Julie twirled her spaghetti on the plate with her fork in silence still, mulling over a new question that plagued her when she first tasted the food. Karen taught Julie how to cook and they had even made a silly video of it years ago, but Julie had no idea what happened to it. Now she wanted it badly and had no idea how to track it down amongst her belongings that were scattered in the spare room, closets and drawers. A sense of panic rose in her chest at the devastating thought that it might be lost in the shuffle of moving from Pennsylvania to Seattle then Vegas. Constance noticed the tense look on Julie's face now and had to ask, "What's wrong babe?"

"Mom and I used to cook," Julie said, "sometimes seriously, other times for fun, you know cookies and stuff, but we made videos with dad's camera when he wasn't home, I saved them, but I don't know where they are, I just, thought of them now after all these years."

Nick could not offer a comforting word in the moment because he had never seen any videos or old tapes of Julie as a child around the house or even when she lived at the condo. Constance however, sat up, sipped her wine with a shifting gaze then mumbled "I might be able to help you with that."

The surprises with her were endless, Julie thought as Constance shuffled into the spare room where she had been staying, dug through her travel bags and retrieved what she was searching for. When she returned, she carried a stack of small plastic square disc holders which was a thick as a brick as she held them up and said, "Got a DVD player around here?"

Nick was quick to set up the player on the entertainment center in the living room under the TV as Constance thumbed through each disc holder.

"You stole my tapes?" Julie demanded of her, crossing her arms as she stood in shock in the middle of the living room.

"It's not stealing if I just borrowed them to make copies," Constance corrected her "the originals are back at my place in Philly so don't get your panties in a twist."

She popped open one of the DVD's and handed it to Nick who gently set it in the player and backed up to the couch where the remote was. Constance sat down in the second arm chair, clutching her wine glass while the remainder of the DVD's were stacked neatly on the coffee table. Julie remained rooted to the spot, staring at the TV as grainy footage began to play on their high definition flat screen TV. It was her as a baby, seated in a high chair with Karen beside her, bestowing a birthday cake in front of her, a single candle lit on it indicating it was her first birthday. Karen blew out the candle for Julie, but they clapped together before allowing her to make a mess of the cake with her tiny hands destroying it piece by piece. The second footage was Julie leaning against the couch in their living room while Karen stood a few feet away, motioning for Julie, calling out "Come on sweetie, you can do it." and Julie slowly began to stumble over to her on shaky legs, walking for the first time. On and on it went, various moments of Julie and her life flashing before her. Most of the time it was Karen, playing with Julie, reading to her, cooking with her, while Patrick did all the filming. When the third video played, Patrick was on screen, gently pushing Julie on her bike as she rode without training wheels, cheering loudly for her, followed by the two of them playing some sort of silly game in the yard, chasing each other around, Julie climbing up on her swing set, begging him to catch her which he did, spinning her around the yard, her laughter loud and hearty, then hysterical when he tickled her. She was six and in a school play, she was nine and hitting a baseball out of the yard, sailing over three houses while Patrick cheered her on, yelling "Way to go Slugger!" She was ten and climbing trees with her friends, twelve when she won an award for a science project, sixteen when she was fixing the old car with Patrick, then driving it, seventeen as she graduated high school, making silly faces with her friends at the camera then tossing her graduation cap in the air.

Seeing all these moments made Julie's heart fill with sadness but also joy. It ached to see Patrick and Karen again, it had been so long since they passed but even longer since she had watched these tapes. She couldn't help but sniffle in agony over losing them so young, not being able to share this with them. Constance watched Julie's reactions, feeling somewhat guilty for keeping these for so long but knowing she needed them more to keep her daughter close to her as well as the memory of Karen and Patrick. When Julie sensed Constance watching her, she met her gaze with a sad look.

"They are all here, I promise," Constance confirmed of the DVD's on the table which was not what Julie was going to ask her, but she appreciated it all the same. She was grateful to have the tapes but angry that they had been gone for so long. She was confused by Constance's strange desire to hoard them while aching for the only family she knew to come back to her. She wondered for years if they were really her parents, then after figuring out she was adopted, wondered why they kept it from her, did they even love her? It seemed obvious from the tapes that they did but could she even trust these memories? Overwhelmed, Julie sank down on the couch beside Nick and put her head in her hands, sobbing in relief but also in pain.

"Hey, it's okay," Nick tried to soothe her "she saved all the tapes and look how cute you are."

Julie couldn't bring herself to look at the screen again just yet.

"It just hurts," she complained "I feel too many things at once and I _hate_ it."

"Remember what I told you about that?" Nick reminded her "that's how you know you're living, it isn't always easy or fun, but everything you feel is valid and it made you the person you are today, I mean come on, who couldn't love that face?"

He nudged her gently to get her to look at the TV again where the current footage was her at age five, playing around in a pile of mud with her friends, throwing it at each other, getting it in her hair and all over her face. She managed a laugh and a sob at the memory, wondering how Patrick and Karen ever tolerated her craziness but recalled the next day after that mud fight when she fell ill and couldn't go to school. They both stayed home from work to take care of her. They made her soup and let her watch cartoons and sleep in their bed when she wanted to be close to them. And they cared enough to go back for her at the church even if it took a measly six months, they cared, and in her own twisted way, Constance cared too. She cared enough to save these tapes and to risk being caught every time she spied on Julie. She cared enough to fake a D and D just to be arrested so she could talk to her.

Constance reached out to Julie now and said, "They loved you, don't ever question it."

That simple statement, confirmation, validation, everything Julie had wrestled with and debated for years and most recently, no longer needed to be solved. She realized that she could love and appreciate Karen and Patrick for what they did and still form a connection with Constance. Her stubborn soul was getting in her way and she was tired of fighting, of resisting what life had given her. She was exhausted and now that she had her answers, it was time to rest, figuratively and literally.

"I love them," she cried to Nick and to Constance "I miss them, and I love them."

"We know," Nick soothed, catching her when she fell forward into his arms.

She felt somewhat silly for falling apart at the memory of her parents at fifty years old, but after everything she had been through, and feeling alone for so long, she had every right to still be sad for them and to ache for them. This was an odd type of closure, but it finally felt like a weight had been lifted from her chest despite her continuing sobs. Nick did the only thing he could do in the moment, lean back on the couch and pull her with him, letting her rest in his arms, her face buried in his chest, so she could cry, her eyes burning with exhaustion.

"I'm sorry," Constance apologized again, sitting up from the chair she occupied "I never meant for any of this to happen this way, if you want, maybe I'd be better off leaving you guys alone, it won't take long to pack up and get a flight back to Philly and-

"No," Julie shrieked at her, realizing what she was suggesting "you- have to stay- you promised."

Nick shot a worried look at Constance who sank back down in her seat, realizing she was wanted here and needed here after this ordeal she had caused.

"Maybe we should go upstairs," Nick offered Julie "you're exhausted, you need to sleep."

"Later," she mumbled, regaining control of her breathing now as her sobs dissipated "I want to watch the tapes."

Constance owed her that much, so Nick remained with Julie on the couch, watching the old videos, Julie mostly silent as she watched herself as a child, rambunctious and messy, occasionally giggling at some memory that meant more to her than what was depicted on the TV. Nick couldn't help but be immersed in the tapes as well. Little Julie was adorable, a mess of tangled curly hair and energy for days with a loud infectious laugh and the happiest demeanor. She was not much different now, he couldn't help but notice; her hair still just as wild and curly, her laugh just as hearty and loud, and her ability to melt hearts had only improved in time.

It was no surprise that she fell asleep during the second to last video. Constance paused the tapes, so they could continue when she woke up again.

"Poor thing," she sympathized "I've hurt her so much."

"Nah you love her," Nick said watching over Julie "everything you did was out of love, it just took her a little while to understand that."

"I appreciate you," Constance said, "you make her so happy, she feels safe with you, she knows she's loved, Karen and Patrick would be so proud."

"That's all anyone ever wants for the people they love," Nick agreed.

"I wanted her to have a better life than I did," Constance admitted "I wanted to give her the world."

"She's got it for sure," Nick said of all Julie had accomplished and survived "you did what you could for her and Patrick and Karen did what they did, and you know what, you made her my world."

Constance stared at him, shocked by the way he came to that conclusion.

"I did, didn't I?" she said, feeling proud of something for the first time in ages, echoing a turn of phrase Julie used often and smugly.

She watched Julie sleep now, hoping whatever was going through her mind was peaceful and no longer riddled with anger and sadness. Nick felt the peace that had settled over the room, from the way Constance looked at Julie with admiration to the way Julie lay snuggled up against him, finally, to the TV where the video was paused on a moment of Julie as a little girl, scooped up in Patrick's arms, laughing at something, while Karen stood beside them, looking on lovingly, the unidentified third party person behind the camera capturing the heartwarming moment, unaware of the truth behind those smiles but fully aware of the love shared between the trio.

"And then some," he added, grateful for who that little girl became, and who she was still in this moment, stealing his heart with every passing day.

November 2018

Philadelphia

Most of the trees here had reached peak color this late into the season but a few still held onto bright orange, red and yellow leaves. Julie could not resist stepping on crunchy ones the way she used to as a child as she walked along the side walk from the parking lot with Nick on one side of her, Constance on the other. The path way led them through several rows of marked graves, some held flowers and other memorial item while others were blank, the harsh change of season forcing loved ones to limit what tokens of love they left out for their lost relatives. Julie counted the spaces as they walked, reaching the fourth row of headstones, stopping five counts in. Nick and Constance stopped along side her and the trio faced their destination, the wind blowing leaves around furiously now.

"I'm back," Julie spoke to the two graves in front of them "I know it's been a while, so much has happened, I finally got to meet Constance."

Nick stayed silent, exchanging a glance at Constance who shuffled nervously next to him as she stared at the graves of Patrick and Karen. Patrick's seventy fifth birthday was coming up at the end of the month and she wondered what he'd be like in old age, something none of them ever got to see.

"I know you wanted it a secret," Julie continued to speak to them "but it's okay, I'm not mad anymore, I understand why you did it, but I'm happy to have found her, I needed to know the truth to solve the case."

She felt a chiller breeze hit her face now and she shivered, reaching behind her for Nick and tugging on his hand to pull him closer to where she stood.

"I want you to meet someone," she continued "my husband Nick, I know, number three, but he's wonderful, I love him so much and I know you guys would too." 

It was reminiscent of when Nick took Julie to visit Warrick's grave site and introduced her. People who would never know each other was sad to think about but here he felt filled with hope for Julie and Connie who seemed to have grown closer in the last two months. Connie quit smoking and moved to Vegas. She started working part time while still living with them until she procured enough money to find her own place. Julie got out her father's old restored Cadillac from storage and allowed Constance to use it to get around town but also to have something of her brothers to call her own. She was saving for a condo close by and was on track to having one by the middle of next year. Nick didn't mind, he liked her company, especially when he was in San Diego. Julie was teaching her how to use a gun properly, something Constance insisted upon after watching Julie shoot perfect targets at the shooting range one afternoon.

"I'm sorry for what ya'll went through," Nick offered to his in-laws "but Julie is an angel, I don't know what I would do without her so uh- thanks for everything you did for her."

Julie smiled and lay her head on his shoulder. Constance worked up the nerve to step forward now and say, "I found her, I just had to tell her the truth, I hope you can both forgive me, and I'm sorry for all the hell I put you both through, I love her and I promise to do right by her."

She twisted her hands together nervously having been taught about sin, forgiveness and repentance enough in school. Talking to the dead was oddly worshipped but frowned upon at the same time. Julie saw Constance's struggle and she reached out to take hold of her hand and squeeze it comfortingly. Constance recoiled at the contact at first, not used to someone being gentle and soft with her. She stared at Julie, then at their hands intertwined in this tender moment and she didn't feel like she needed to pull away. It felt normal, it felt like what love should. Constance squeezed back, no longer afraid to show her feelings, she had a daughter who was desperate to connect with her, she wasn't going to let her hard heart get in the way of that bond that should have been created the night she was born.

Julie felt at peace, standing here with Nick to lean on and Constance's hand to hold. For the first time in a long time she felt lucky to have been raised the way she had; despite the fights over her genetic history, she was lucky because she got two mothers and an exceptional father and uncle who never made her feel like she unwanted. Though those feelings had crept up on her in the years that followed their deaths and her divorce from Mike, she rebounded with Nick at her side and now had Constance to share the family connection with.

As they stood there, shivering in the cold, Julie said "I think I'm ready now," to Nick and to Constance who took that as an indicator she had successfully said her peace with Karen and Patrick. She let go of Nick to reach out and touch the headstones, whisper "I love you," then turn and face the wind as it came howling back at them as they began the trek back to the rental car. Julie rubbed her hands together, trying to warm up despite having a warm coat and gloves. Constance watched her, realizing what she needed. She unraveled the wool scarf from around her neck and stopped walking, tugging on Julie's jacket sleeve and saying "Here" re-wrapping the scarf around her instead. Julie allowed her to adjust the scarf to fit her snug but not too tight. It was soft and looked old and worn but still sturdy.

"Thanks," Julie said, admiring Constance's giving spirit despite her fierce independent attitude.

"No problem," she replied, recalling all the times she wore that scarf to hide behind when she was watching Julie grow up from afar.

Back in the car, Constance offered suggestions on various places they could go next but Julie, who was driving, stopped abruptly on a street causing Nick to ask, "What's wrong?"

"There's one more thing I want to do," Julie said, staring at a house across the street from where they were parked.

"Uh, what are we doing here?" Constance asked, looking up at the house, dread filling her at the familiar structure.

"Nothing bad, I promise," Julie said, pushing open the car door.

Nick and Constance followed suite, approaching the house with caution while Julie marched up with confidence. She knocked on the plexiglass door and waited on the porch, sighing, determined. The woman who answered the door was surprised to see them all standing on her porch.

"Hi," Julie said quickly "you probably don't remember me but-

"Vegas cop girl who used to live here," the woman recalled.

"Yes," Julie said, relieved "I just wanted to tell you, I found what I was looking for."

She stepped to the side so that Constance, who seemed to be trying to hide in the doorway, could be seen.

"I was looking for my biological mother and I found her," Julie explained "well, she found me, but that's why we were here all those years ago and I know we didn't find anything here, but I wanted to let you know that-

"Connie?" the woman interrupted Julie's explanation, somehow recognizing Constance.

"Hey Nancy," Constance mumbled back, shifting nervously.

"It's been a while," Nancy said, "how are you?"

"Peachy keen," Constance said, grinding her teeth as she spoke.

"You know her?" Julie asked Constance now.

"We worked at the office for years," Constance explained "after you sold the house once, I bought it back and started renting it to Nancy."

Julie stared at Constance, shocked by the seemingly endless revelations she had.

"Oh man," Nick said shaking his head in disbelief and mild amusement.

"Hey, I couldn't let some stranger live here!" Constance explained "I got so used to seeing this place that, I felt better letting someone I know have it."

"I didn't know you had kids!" Nancy said now, just as shocked at the entire ordeal.

"Why didn't you tell me you talked to her?" Constance demanded of Julie now.

"How the hell was I supposed to know!?" Julie snapped back.

"I think we're getting off track here," Nick said, trying to be the voice of reason.

Julie was lost for words now. She was angry at being so close to someone who knew her mother two years ago yet could not make contact. It was a small world indeed. At the same time, she was happy to know that someone was living here who Constance trusted to be here and in some weird way would keep the place lively and homey the way Julie knew it to be.

"Sorry," Constance mumbled sheepishly, a word she had spoken more times in her life than she ever wanted to.

"Well listen, stop by for a visit anytime," Nancy said, "I'd love to get to know you Julie, Connie's daughter is as good as mine."

"Thanks," Julie mumbled, still reeling from the emotional ups and downs she experienced almost daily now with Constance around.

They vacated the porch, bade goodbye to Nancy and all walked back to the car in silence.

"Are you mad at me?" Constance asked from the back seat.

"No," Julie said truthfully, letting out the breath she had been holding "let's just go home."

She could not stay mad at anyone for too long anymore. Life was too short for that.

Returning to Vegas that night was a relief. Julie went to her favorite evening activity, looking at old photos from her childhood, curled up on the couch with Constance. They had merged their photos together, Constance adding ones she had stolen from the Finlay house over the years, stories accompanying each photo. Julie mostly listened to her speak, soaking up every detail, adding her own when necessary. They could sit together for hours talking until one or both fell asleep. In tonight's case it was Julie who succumbed to sleep first, laying her head on Constance's shoulder. It was a testament to how close they had grown when Constance tucked a blanket in around Julie tenderly, as if she had been doing so for years. She spent so many years regretting her life choices regarding Julie, but she didn't have to regret things anymore. Letting her go had been a mixture of good and bad, but in this moment, she was elated, ecstatic, that she never had to let her go again.

AN- That's a wrap folks! This was a whirlwind to write and brainstorm and mull over for months, but the closure was also for myself as well as Julie. I hope to include Constance in future stories because I can only imagine the trouble she can get into with Julie as her daughter. The apple doesn't fall far from the tree, so I can't wait to explore this dynamic. Thanks for reading and reviewing and all that jazz.


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